a heart, immune to patches.

like having your heart twisted and churned,
crashed and trampled,
shattered and burned...

yet you can't feel anything anymore.

instead of...

...the genuine smiles i had before,

now they're just fake, plastic grins.



life is fun and i know that.
it doesn't suck.
that only happens when i don't get what i want.
when things didn't happen the way i want it to be.

who am i to want?

if i keep adjusting my paper sailboat in the river, yes it might go where i want it to go.
but even if i let it sail on its own,
the current still goes.
the river still flows.

and the water will soak up the paper, it will still sink either way.



but life is fun.



so smile your plastic smile, grin your fake grin.

and go make your sailboat out of something other than paper.

just like footsteps

i make imprints on people's hearts.


imprints, like the way a picture leaves a mark on the plastic cover of your wallet..


like footsteps, though i try to never trample on those hearts..merely walked and touched gently, never hoping to be remembered but almost always will.


maybe that's important in this journey.



even if i go, the imprints will forever stay.




like footsteps.
 
 

smile. it's free.

what am i still being punished for.



but this morning i found a super-micro-tiny glimpse of happiness.



lembut je suara makcik tu.

sadly, that's the best kind of treatment anyone ever gave me lately.



"adik ada kad smile? ambiklah, free je."



free smiles. how ironic.



for the time being, my only smile you see will be plastic.



just like the card.







what am i still being punished for...

hold on, little girl

a broken heart can't be that bad.

mendung lagi. come on, weather!

kalau macam, lari, hilang... takdela kacau orang lagi.

dan takde buat orang rasa takbest or helpless.

walaupun cuma nak rasa worthy.


maybe that's a tall order.


"bang, nak oder."

'ah takleh, kau tak layak.'


ada jugakla rasa camtu.

words are only words.

evry time i heard the words "belauan vorteks," i teringat dia.

sama macam "telefonis"

"figura bonda"

"kala malam bulan mengambang"


and quite a few others.




vorteks. what a weird way to remember someone.

starlight

the heart could not handle a sudden surge of love.

and so it trudged out into the night, found a grassy hill overlooking the dimly lit town below and spilled the love out towards the skies.

the stars captured them, caught like shiny fishes in the sea of darkness, and they shone brighter, brighter still.

leaving the heart deprived...but happy.

and went on to search for something more.

stealing thunders

people are going one way, and you're going another
not a very good thing to do, to steal people's thunder.

XD


i'm all about being happy for everyone else. but gimme a break sumtime, kay?



i love my birthday with all the cliches.

esok pegi tepi laut, mari.