macam mana pula...

...prof yang aku tak pernah jumpa kat uni,

tapi hanya nampak plat nama dia je kat pintu bilik,

pintu bilik yang ketuk-ketuk-takde-orang-bukak,

sebab dia sangat sibuk ke sana ke sini bukan seperti aku yang hanya sibuk menghuha sana huha sini,

tiba2 aku jumpa dia dalam program yang perlu diterjemah.

hai, prof.

long time no see at all.






apa khabar biawak di tasik usm?

speaking of which, i dreamt of many biawaks last night.

ada apa2 interpretasi mimpi?

rupanya...

...aku yang menyibuk selama ni.




how many times pilihan terpaksa dibuat? untuk dikejar, dikendong, atau mungkin berciciran.



i didn't know. i didn't know i didn't know i didn't know.



i messed up. big time.


"i love, but i also hurt."



i feel very defeated. semua tuduhan itu, yes i'm guilty as charged.
defeated. sangat.
hilang, dah takde rasa apa2, no more anger hatred jealousy frustration disappointment. i leave only love. i never doubted that, i know it is deep, thank you. appreciate it very much.

i accept everything.


if people ask me not to feel, i will not feel.


this is a clean slate.




saya duduk diam-diam kat sini tak kacau orang, okay.

/end.

"it's about time." yes, both meanings intended.

seeing the bigger picture sometimes makes us forget about the finer details.

but focusing on details alone pun tak bagus juga.

it messes up my head.

and so it led me to thinking, how long is forever? (mmg kaitan dia mcm jauh, but hey. i have my reasons.)

people always have an issue with the sense of time.
maybe it's because time is the only thing we can't control.
yes, we can't control death or birth or coincidences or luck or whatever else too, but at least people can do something to trigger those events.

but not time.

no matter what you try to do, nobody can make it stop, go faster, slower or turn it back.

time seems to stop when you fall in love, time seems to fly by when you're having fun, and it seems to drag on when you're suffering.
cuti sem selalu rasa sekejap, kelas yang bosan rasa macam tak habis2.
it feels like forever when you're in a lousy interview, feels like only yesterday that i met you.

still i can't find the true meaning of forever.

maybe it just means "now..."

...stretched to a timeframe we could never comprehend.

18 minit selepas kisahdewadewi

ain't it funny how young lovers start as friends?

okay, tak. itu saje je untuk starting yang kononnya retorik dan cuba menarik perhatian....siapa?

do i still have any more readers?
komen daripada yang paling diingini pun tiada selalunya.

but hey.
ini kisah hidup yang dah lama tak diceritakan dengan nada colloquial, sebab mungkin selama ni blog ini kaku. biarlah. ini cerita.

pagi yang bangun awal memang best. sebab by 9 or 10, you've accomplished so much and it's still early.
mahu pulang dan menggembirakan orang, pulang dan bring breakfast or brunch or something untuk orang sebab sendiri pun takmakan lagi tapi bila orang enggan, takpelah.

but i have a problem with letting go lah.

patutnye i just say okay, no biggie. move on. wheee.

but noooo. i just have to be like this kan. this is who i am kan.
if people can accept others why can't they accept me.
even when i know i am far better than them.

wait.

who am i to say im better than anyone?

okay takpe.

and so, i can do that.
not imposing rules or whatever (have i ever imposed anything before? huh.)
and letting things be.

and letting orang be happy on their own.

and sometimes let them make me happy for a change.

if people can datang surprise me at home, jom pergi sini, jom buat ini, saya akan gembira.
doesn't take much to make me happy. but still.
susah je.

yeah, it's always me me me.

takpelah. happy saturday, peeps.


i go bring all this energy elsewhere. (or ada tak word 'elsewho'? ekeke)

kisahdewadewi

mungkin kerana itu aku mencari seniman...
kerana mereka sama ada telah merasai semuanya, atau langsung tiada keinginan untuk mencuba.

through what they believe and how they think they must have seen it all and thus they won't hurt me.


but life is not the way i trust it to be.

maka cintafairytale itu, maybe it's all in my head.

should i, could i, would i?

life is easy if you comprehend it from a narrow perspective.
satu hala je. one answer for everything. this is good, this is bad, you draw the line.

easier too, from a wider perspective.
nothing bothers you that much because you've seen them all.


easier still if someone understands you.

but he couldn't if you wouldn't let them.



should i let you understand me completely?

The Deep End

im not good at estimating distance. or for this matter, depth.
that explains why i usually found myself at the deep end of the swimming pool without realizing it.
only that happened when i was younger, as opposed to now, when im better at evaluating a situation and weighing the pros and cons of my decisions, in and out of water.
however, i am human. no matter how i try to choose the right thing, i still make mistakes once in a while. im uncertain of my decisions, most of the time.
but i do things my way. i don't really care what will happen as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else but me.
i don't care if it's too fast, too soon. so instead of estimating the depths in this particular relationship, im just going with my instincts.

and i don't care whether i should just wade in the shallow part for now ... or dive straight into the deep end.


[...kau dan aku menenun puisi demi puisi
mencari intisari suatu nilai, suatu erti...]

i dont know u that well, baby, but thanks

strangers or semi-strangers slalu ajar saya tentang life.

luvit!

*will update this post later. skrg nk g hq nk audition.
eh i mean training. egege~*

world's greatest musical prodigy

pic from here
and here's the full story

to me, it's a perfect portrayal of serenity and being in her comfort zone.

she's one cool kid.

ah, innocence.
come and take me back.

one split second

in one split second, a person's face could portray its true feelings.

it is shown in one split second before a laugh or a cry, a smile, a frown, or however they try to react. looks can be deceiving but the split second won't. that is why the same person you see could look very different then compared to now.

i have known and experienced this.

when people say they fall in love with someone because of how they look, i don't think they mean their face but their expression. maybe they have somehow seen the person's naked, bare and true soul through that split second portrayal.

but what good will that be, do we have to know it all.some things are better left unsaid, untouched, unknown.let them hide behind their masks. let their true feelings lay hidden. ignore what you see, they might not want anyone to know.

because if looks can be deceiving, maybe hearts can too.

i've been feeling invisible XOXOs throughout the day..

i am perfectly unperfect.

there was once when i thought showing off your love is wrong.

there was once when i thought not showing off your love is wrong.

but i see things being done, everyday, and people usually do what they preach not to.
i've seen a lot yet i haven't seen everything.
i experienced a lot yet i learned nothing.
selfishly i will say, yeah but everyone else learned something.
i learned stuff too but im too proud to admit.
i want to be seen as cool yet sometimes i received the opposite.
i wanted to be seen as in love yet sometimes it was ridiculed.
there's a lot that i want yet i didn't think of what you want.
there's a lot that i've done but maybe i was required to do something more.
there's a lot that i've received and i appreciate all of it...but maybe i didn't show it.
for fear of rejection or ignorance.
as usual.

i hurt people around me especially the ones i love the most.
and everything i do will only make it worse.
but i'll do it anyway ^_^

i am imperfect, i always will be.

epal jatuh

tgk gugel harini!

XD

happy birthday sir isaac newton!