Hit me with your best shot...[revisited]

He's got you on a pedestal, and me in his arms.
-Cameron Diaz

Sums it up perfectly, doesn't it?
Ends the vicious circle between the best friend and the bride.
Or the past crushes she'll never live up to.
---

The poet who lost his muse

[Inspired by a dictionary definition of ‘muse.’ Membelek kamus memang bosan.Malangnya, itu kerja saya.]

‘I’ve always thought that you are...you know...unreachable.
I mean, you’re an angel.
I’m just a poet...who gathered words and prose about you and me.
A dancer...who danced for no one in particular to see.
A singer, who sings with no melody.
You are always too far for me to reach.’

The angel decided to give up her immortality, her freedom.
She’d rather be tied and bound to the restrictions of mankind,
and become a muse for this man.

Her halo faded, and her wings fell off.

“Can you reach me now?”

Hit me with your best shot

Life is what happened when all the what-ifs didn’t. -Jodi Picoult, Plain Truth.

I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘what-ifs’ and ‘could-have-beens’ lately. I accept everything that has happened the way it were, until now. When a nagging thought kept creeping back into my mind. What could have been if I did that---?

I’ll never know, and I will just let it go.
And that’s when I met somebody from my past.
Okay so now I’m thinking of it again.

Whenever I asked people: if you could have something back, what would it be? Most of them said they want to be young again, to have another chance, to turn back time. But what good will that do?

If it does happen, you might lead a good or better life. But the chances that it might turn out bad or even worse are there, too. Or, you might try to change every single thing but you will still end up the same, the way you are now.

According to Premonition, even if you had a look into the future and did nothing or something, what will happen will still happen. In contrast to that, Butterfly Effect suggests that even the slightest change of gesture could reinvent your whole life, and the lives of people around you. Both of the characters ended up trying too hard to change things, or to finally let it go. But still it turned out the way it should be.No happy endings there.
It will be forever before I understand why you can’t tempt fate.But for the time being, I am willing to accept.

...what about you?

Truly fictional.

We are now trailing the most fabulous, the wondrous, the precise opposite of the iniquitous and the vile.
-Stop doing that reporter voice. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
But this is innate for me, how could you not fathom what I mean?
-Shut up. Oh, he’s with a girl. *waves* Will you just look at him? It’s impossible he couldn’t see us.
I think he must be truly infatuated.
-One more big word out of you, I swear, I’ll smack your head.
What an appalling thought. That is totally atrocious!
*smack!*
Adoi! Sakit la bodoh!
-That’s more like it. Come on.
You really think he’ll let us do this to him?
-Hell if I know. He didn’t even try to keep his promise. Dia yang mula-mula cari pasal.
You’re right. He deserves everything we’re going to do to him.
-Okay he’s alone now, grab him!
>Whoa, whoa! *backs off* What’s going on here, guys? *chuckles nervously* We’re buddies, right?
-As if. We’re here so that you can keep your promise.
>I don’t... I didn’t... What promise? I thought...
Don’t lie to us! You promised us that every single time. But none of it ever happened!
-You’re dead, man.
>Okay, okay! Let me see... maybe next week? *lari~~*
Hey!!!
*sambil lari* Korang marah sangat apehal??

*sambil kejar*...Sebab kau yang dah lama janji nak belanja!!!
Moral of the story: jangan sekali-kali janji nak belanja kalau kau sebenarnya tipu aje.

[Sory. Tiba2 rasa nak buat cerita yang stupid and mindless, coz lately my life has been anything but. Okay silalah move on to blogs yang lebih munasabah.]

*apdet*

what? the story of my graduation?

lambat ahh...tapi kalau nak jugak...

takpayah susah2. mari bace di sini.

hehe. time kasey ifurayashi! congrats to you too!

(kalau nak lagi bes, bleh bace cerita pasal 'tapak konvo yang misteri,' di sini pula.

okeh~

open the door, let me in! ...said the timid little newbie.

so what if i hadnt thought things through?
granted, the pace is kinda fast for a slowpoke like me.
theres so much to be done to seal the deal.
that offer alone is not enough.
will i make the cut?
after all, im just a newbie.


[goodbye, little daisies. i'm off to a fabulous place. will be back soon.]

reminiscence?

rase mcm... marahlah.
plus a bit tak puas hati.

...
... ...
... ... ...pastu mcm biase bile rase cmni, apa yg ingin disampaikan itu tidak kesampaian.

hah. gila.

*masuk slimut. tido.*

cerita hantu dan cerita seram. sama? tak lah.

[entri bersepah. yeay.]

cerita hantu ialah cerita macam yang idan ceritakan tadi.
lama gila nak abis dari lepas maghrib sampai sepanjang perjalanan nak pegi rumah kaklong.
siap ada pause2 untuk isi minyak dan sebagainya.
sampai depan pintu bilik mandi pun ada (ye. kenape ntah.)

cerita dia ada 4 parts. sebab tajuk dia 4bia. haha rase nak gelak pulak.
yang first takde dialog tapi scary jugak.
yang second ada guna black magic (bukan black magic yang saye slalu buat tu. itu jelas penipuan semata2.untuk menarik perhatian penonton saje.)
yang third is kinda funny!
yang fourth is a very original idea, saye suka juga.

cerita hantu lain ialah yang ada di tempat keje saye. Ecot kata Nahar cerita kat dia pasal tempat2 dalam centre tu yang berhantu.
dekat tempat dinosaur, kat oil platform, dsb.
saye dah check sikit2.
tak berani check banyak2. hehe.
scary juga.
memang banyak cerita hantu kat situ rupanya.

tapi kalau cerita seram, selalunya tak payah melibatkan hantu.
biasanya terjadi kat saye macam ni. bila ada orang nak cerita sesuatu kat saye, dan kadang2 lagi best kalau saye tatau cerita tu.
walaupun mungkin dia tatau saye tak nak tau.
tapi dia cerita jugak.

itu baru seram.

...oh seramnya.

*lariiii*

dearie...

...it's a blessing in disguise.

*hug*

back where you started

[this might sound nostalgic and weepy, but actually it's not. read it with a smile, okay? grin if you must. widely. like this :D]

so, this is it.

graduation, convocation, the last goodbye.
yesterday after rehearsal friends reunite, past follies forgotten.
my coursemates and i found ourselves gathered without even contacting each other.
it's easy to pick up where we left off, as if it's just another day.
if not for the talks of 'where are you working now?', 'who got engaged?', 'what?? their baby is already 3months old?!', it seems like we were just hanging out after class as we used to.
we got crazy afterwards: the mall, the beach, the busy town... there was no place we didn't go.
strangely, we feel more at home here than anywhere else.
the night ended with cultural performances on the convo site (the same stage i used to be on...wuhuu~~)
and ... a meteor shower. (okay, this one was spent with the geophysics slash astronomy gang.)

we will have our last goodbyes and part our ways, but in order to do that we have to come back here. to the place where it all began.

back where we started, all over again.

p/s: chipi-chan! sotsugyou purezento wa, hontou ni arigatou!!

'petrosains trup,' bak kata kami...

ini. gambar.
there will be more later.
kalau saya rajin~~

grup yg paling best sebab kitorang gile. whee~

the greatest. (saya tak sempat memasukkan diri)

bern doing multishot. yg candid itu dia mahu.
di sebelah sy dan paling ceria itu emi.
met during interview, we hit it off immediately~

pura2 taknak masuk kamera.
lyana n irfan yg BYK CKP dan NAKAL dan LIKES ATTENTION sbb tu duk dpn skali.
mereka di blkg: fety, amai, mahathir, nahar

this is a prominent figure in our troop, okay.
terletak di atas machine helicopter simulator.
sgt comel bleh buat banyak gaya.

kanak2 glow in the dark

"doesn't need much time to be this close~"
(quoting lyana)

always be...

tak ingat sape amik. adli? kamu kah?

the small room which witnessed much craziness~

had lots of fun, didn't we?

kesimpulannya, petrosains memang best!
(bosannye kesimpulan. ahh sukehati aku la nk ckp ape.)

tersedar sekejap...

...sebab kadang2 rase macam kita semua sebenarnya ada cara hidup yang sangat berlainan, betul tak?

different involvements, will it affect togetherness?
too much similarities, will it make us long for some difference?

saya tak merepek. ini serius nak tau.

walaupun jawapannya saya boleh agak, tapi itu macam a bit unfair.

one by one...

kusut.

and everything you did? NOT HELPING.

sekian terima kasih.

rilek aje.

ye..apekah?

entahlah.

[mengganggu abang kacak yang sedang tidur]

Superficial vs. Profound

remember the uncertainties i had before? which seems like ages ago. sometimes it all comes back to me.

decisions i've made were never regretted, no matter how much second thoughts i might have. for after i decide something, the way ahead is not always clear, but the certainty is i only have that way to go. ahead. i don't need to look back, i don't even want to.

'taknak g jumpe dia ke?'
"ish..taknak..aku segan ngan dia..."
'alaa, sue ok. dia rilek je la. ko stil rase bersalah?'
"ya..even dah lebih setahun pun.."

...taking me out of the certainties of turmoil, and putting me into a turmoil of uncertainties...

(reminder: jgn panggil saye 'sue' lagi, okeh. hee.)
***

[upbeat]
okay, when did i stop writing? tengoklah skarang dah tahpape je style of writing sume mcm gila. watever.

temporary working place - since interview, training, until now. everything n everyone is really cool n fun! want to include pics, tapi encik fotografer blum bagi cd lagik. tghari smlm kita dah jumpe kot? *dush*



permanent working place - haha. kept me busy, kept me sane. the workplace above did a great job to keep me insane. learned a lot, love it all.

dwelling place - a few entertainment stuff have been added! courtesy of idan. thanx bro. okey so now sape nk lawan guitar heroes? jom.

after this? it's graduation time!

so there. camni da kire apdet kan? sory lah gaya penulisan yang kelam-kabut. sukehati lah. oke bubye.

~~~
dengan orang lain, superficial. shallow. with you it's profound. it's deep. it's different.

Scholar in an Ivory Tower

[author's note: sesungguhnya saya malas nak menceritakan kisah hidup sebenar. so here's another fiction based on kisah yang separa benar. bacalah tulisan suka-hati saya. sekian.]

Nights can still be peaceful even when the silence is shattered. By the hooting of owls, the chirping of crickets, and occasionally, by the plucking of guitar strings.

The sprawling white mansion behind my house has been empty for years before a family moved in a few years ago. My first glimpse of the eldest son was on the night of their arrival. He was hanging heavy brocade curtains on the window of his room, saw me, and waved. I hesitated before waving back, just as the curtains dropped. A cascade of royal blue cloth, concealing us from each other.

I never saw him again through our windows, but I sure heard him. When we were twelve, I heard him arguing with his dad about his “too-early bedtime.” Several years passed, I heard voices telling him to stop tying up the line to talk with “those chicks from school.” By the time we’re seventeen there were no more arguments, no more voices. Only the sound of his guitar breaking the nights’ serene stillness. But every time I tried to peek, the only things I saw were blank, whitewashed walls on the uppermost part of his house where his room is and the same royal blue curtains hiding him from me.

I can tell he was taking guitar lessons from the way his skills improved each and every day. From chord to chord, he managed to turn his rusty transitions smooth. From hesitating before the start of each verse, he can now play full songs perfectly. And me; from feeling annoyed by the twangs of his guitar, I looked forward to his repertoire of musical notes. Without realizing it, I started to leave my nightlight on a bit longer each night and only turned it off when the music stopped. He became my invisible lullaby, and I became his silent ovation.

My family moved away shortly after my high school graduation and I never met our neighbor again. Yet I still remember the lesson his guitar-playing taught me: once you’ve braved yourself to take the first few tentative steps, you’ll manage to shine in everything you do.
And I’ve been shining ever since.

~My music is within you, and wherever you are, as long as your heart beats, it will always be.~

for you, a thousand times over...

well, i don't have an abundance of creative ideas right now so never mind if you've heard the title before.

i believe in a lot of things but i never believed in love at first sight. to me, that is just another cliche. or something that is meant for everyone else but not for me.
how could i be so wrong.
i met her (yes, her) by chance. i saw her sorrow first before her joy. the vulnerable side of her which caught me and would not let go. i was there for her, even without me realizing it. and she appreciates it. also, without me realizing it. at first.
i am not judgmental, i try not to be. when you first meet people and they are already wonderful in your eyes, that's all that matters. regardless of how others see her. that was what she did to me, without her realizing it. *wink2*

who says love at first sight doesn't exist? now i believe in it, and i gained a friend in the process.

the best kind of love i could ever ask for.



(berdasarkan pengalaman silam, kalo saya puji sorang msti yg lain sume jeles. so, kazet, pyon, anim, fiky, cna, oche, dan kalo ade yg tertinggal jgn mrh, saya x pernah lupekan kamu semua. saya sayang kamu juga. dan shio-san, kamu terlalu special, kamu tahu kan. for all of you, a thousand times over.)

malam yang sepi

haven't written in a while...

a lot has happened, a lot can be written, but nothing significant enough to sum up everything i feel. takpe, no biggie.

i watched Sepi the night it was released.
and i want to watch it again.
in order not to spoil anything for people who haven't seen it yet (ehem2), i won't give a long movie review here. just a little comment: if you think Cinta is good, then Sepi is wonderful beyond belief.

there. best kan?
okay, dah. tak pandai dah nak tulis best2.

p/s: oh, btw, i read The Kite Runner. hee. For you, a thousand times over...

alang2 menjadi emo biar sampai ke pangkal blogspot

betul ahh emo gile saye tidak suke keadaan ini.

mari mendefinisikan ilie.

ilie [noun] -seorang yang gembira ceria dan bahagia sentiasa

ya. itu ialah ilie pada tahun 1986 sehingga 2006. stop kejap. sambung balik pada february 2007. makin menjadi2 sejak february 2008.

tapi kadang2...oh biasalah. perkara2 kecil yang x layak difikirkan oleh minda comel ini menerjah masuk ke ruang pemikiran dengan terjahan yang tidak mampu saya gambarkan! gile pjg dan berbelit ayat ini.
terjahan2 kecil itu, memang tidak layak saya fikirkan lama2.
terjahan2 kecil itu, memang tidak layak saya fikirkan langsung.

sebab kalau nak ikutkan, saya juga boleh buat perkara yang sama, mungkin lebih hebat lagi, tetapi saya taknak. kerana perbuatan itu agak keji. dan seriously pathetic. dan sedikit psychotic juga kalau difikir balik. mungkin juga perbuatan orang2 yang obsessed. ataupun orang yang takde life. ataupun beliau gila meroyan.

oh, saya minta maaf.

tetapi. perasan itu ialah sifat yang tak perlu ada pada setiap insan.
okay itu je nak cakap.

pembunuh bijirin

baiklah. entri kali ni sedikit emo dan bersikap defensive sikit. so ia tak sesopan biasa.

pernah kutuk subtitle yang kelakar? sape tak pernah. tipulah kalau kau kata tak pernah. aku selalu.
bolehlah kot, kalau 101 dalmations jadi 101 bintik.
apehal.
tapi kan, kalau kutuk2 pastu bagi cadangan terjemahan yang betul, ok gak kot. pastu kalo kutuk pastu pegi buat sesuatu untuk betulkan keadaan ni, bagus jugak. tapi kalau setakat kutuk, gelak2, kate "amende ah penterjemah nih. aku boleh buat lagi best. bodoh ke ape." ... kenapa kau tak buat?
yelah, korang mesti malas nak belajar benda senang kan, benda yang korang dah terer kan. baik amik course yang profesional sket, nanti keje gaji besar pastu dihormati orang ramai, fuiyoo. dah masuk menara gading yang hebat lagi bertaraf tinggi mesti korang taknak belajar ijazah sarjana muda sastera kan. iye betul.
aku pernah kena kutuk secara tak langsung oleh....(jeng3)...pakcik teksi.
sepanjang perjalanan 15minit tu pakcik tu tanya aku belajar ape kat universiti, dan lepas dengar jawapan aku dia terus berlagak pasal anak dia yang amik sains. tercungap-cungap aku cuba mencelah mengatakan aku belajar sains gak dulu jadi aku pun lebih kurang same terer ngan anak dia gak, tapi tak terkeluar. haha. ade gak orang yang mengutuk terang2an ape yg aku belajar nih. lebih kurang macam, nanti ko da abes blaja ko nk keja ape? alaa kos ko mcm snang je aku dgr. kalo aku amik msti leh score nyer. uyh, jadi translator? gaji sket je tu hoy. err...interpreter tuh hape?
hehe. bes kan. eh aku dah merepek ni. okey ilie stop digressing.
camni. subtitle tu memang kelakar. nak tau ape sebabnye? nak dengar ke aku bebel kat cni?
camnilah. sepanjang tiga tahun, aku belajar grammar english and bm secara mendalam adelah lebih kurang 5-6 subjek. itupun tak berani aku ngaku terer. setakat sintaks dan semantik tu boleh la kot aku gagahkan diri. masuk sosiolinguistik aku terpengsan sekejap. belum lagi contemporary english grammar. 2nd year belajar law. huyy bes jugak. every week buat translation and editing classmates kita nyer keje. banyak bidang: berita, sukan, law, sains, teknologi, ape ntah lagi aku malas nak berlagak ish teruknye aku ni. 3rd year buat interpreting. hamik kau terus terjemah ayat tu sambil orang tu tgh bercakap. evry week kene berlakon impromptu, debate, intellectual discourse, interpret CNN, berita seluruh dunia, discovery channel, speech drp pemimpin2 negara malaysia dan juga negara luar (kau bayangkan accent dorg yg pelbagai) dan lain2. sape tadi yang cakap dia bleh score senang2 tu? meh cni.
sebenarnya sume bende kalo kite tak alami, mesti nmpk mcm senang. bagi aku mmg snang kot. tp x brani nk kate hoy snang la apehal ko takleh buat elok2? sbb aku tau sndiri pun byk kelemahan lagi. classmates aku sniri pun bukannye sume terer menterjemah. kitorg rajin je menggelakkan kwn2 sniri punye terjemahan, walaupun itu yang kitorang belajar sampai nk termuntah.
contohnya, terjemahan novel yang kitorang buat masa 2nd year. aku kene edit kawan aku punya. dalam novel yang penuh unsur2 figuratif bahasa ibunda kita tu, ada satu peribahasa 'menegakkan benang yang basah'
... aku tak payah cakap la ek, dia translate jadi apa. nanti berguling2 lak korang gelak kat ctu, sape yang susah.
actualy aku enjoy, ye aku enjoy je blajar bende nih. tp mcm xbes kot, org lain kutuk ape yg kite buat. kitorg nk kutuk takpe, sebab that's what we do. we are entitled to kutuk2. ahh sudah rojak bahasa ku. lantaklah. jadi camnilah. kalo ye nak kutuk, berpada2 la kot. mesti ade sebab knape dorg tu buat salah. mungkin perkataan tu ada 2 maksud. mungkin dia salah dengar, mungkin dia memang bodoh taktau pun tapi korang tak layak kutuk dia sebab korang pun bukannye tau sgt keje dia tu susah ke senang. main ckp je, blasah kang.
hoy tbe2 aku garang.
tak semestinye ko pandai cakap bm dgn hebatnye, sume peribahasa ko tau maksudnya, english korang muet band 6stengah ke, penah tinggal kat US mase kecik2 ke...tak smestinye korang boleh menghasilkan terjemahan yang berkualiti dalam jangka masa yang pendek. toksah marah dbp kalo tak pernah tau sistem dorang macamana. jangan belagak taknak tengok kamus walopun korang rase korang terer tahap gaban pun. sebutan tu...alahai, kalo boleh taknak la pelat2 tapi tak kisahla asalkan phonetic symbols ko reti bace supaya tak memalukan diri di khalayak ramai. aku sebenarnye selalu je memalukan diri di khalayak ramai. tapi tak kisahla, aku belajar oke.

ye. dah pjg sgt mrh2 ni. apehal ntah? sudah2. yang penting, aku dlm proses melakukan sesuatu utk mengelakkan bidang terjemahan dikutuk2 lagi.

dan tajuk tu? yelah, pembunuh bijirin kan ke serial killer.
kalo berani kutuklah. sekian terima kasih.

[p/s: utk latihan menterjemah minggu ini: "nama pun khai. memang tak boleh pakai!" (dipetik drp citer ape ntah kat tv) ...cuba translate dgn hebatnye dgn mengekalkan unsur2 figuratif, cultural, serta dynamic equivalence. dan kekalkan nada marah tersebut. jwpn akan diberi setelah ade at least beberapa cdgn jwpn drp anda semua di ruang komen.]

angel in disguise

it takes a lifetime to build a reputation.

it only takes a moment to tear it down.

i am no longer seventeen; an age where i can mess up my life as much as i want to and still come out clean in the end.

the privileges of being an adult comes with the price of facing the immediate consequences of my own actions. innocence can no longer prevail.

i never said i was good. even so, i myself cannot believe the enormity of what i've done.

regret? no. absolutely not.

surprised? you bet.

disappointed in myself? was. and still am.

to keep my mind off things (and to get away from people), i went to the top floor where we keep all this junk and started rummaging around for my old children's books...hoping that i could re-obtain the innocence that i lost.

that's when i found you.

i lost my copy of our high school's yearbook two years ago. i borrowed yours when you asked me to help organize the reunion. i haven't returned it to you yet, it seemed.

i found your copy in an old box filled with memories. the papers are yellowed, the cover a bit smudged, the pages curling at the corners. i did not dare flip through it, afraid of what i might find. of the things i might remember. of the realization how much things have changed since then. i put it aside.

to my surprise, i found my copy just a few books down in the same box. the pages still crisp, the cover still immaculately white.

i stared at both of the yearbooks. identical, except yours look so sloppy, as if portraying what you've been through all these years. mine is the picture of pure innocence, as if time stops moving with it.

the immaculate white cover might just be what it is: a cover. nobody knows what is really underneath it. you might be surprised at what you'll find. and in reality, time never stops. it keeps on moving and drags you along, resulting in changes you might be unwilling to face.

there's nothing you can do except hope. i continued to sit there, surrounded by unopened boxes which contained the past, staring at the two yearbooks. i wonder how looks can be so deceiving. finally, i vowed to myself that even though time forces me to take the same path, i will never, ever repeat the same mistakes again.

smiling at strangers

she was sitting on the turf, watching her nephew clamber up and down the slides at the playground. replying messages. trying to hide from the sun. hoisting a bottle of water everywhere she goes.
and then came the kites.
one was blue, and the other, pink. with minnie mouse on it.
her eyes followed the string and saw 3 guys arguing over who should hold the kites and who should run with the string.
she smirked, coz the kites are just too cute for them! maybe they saw the smirk so they made a point of arguing right where she was sitting, and running around with the kites in very near vicinity. she had to dodge the strings every 5 seconds.
annoyed, but with nowhere else to go, she grabbed one of the strings and ran away with the kite. she glanced towards the sky. oh, it was the pink kite. nice.
ignoring the shouts of "hoy! ko nk bwk g mane tuh??" from the guys, she continued running. and laughing. and enjoying her sudden moment of kite-stealing. she had so much fun it made her forget all her worries.
with a genuine smile, she turned back towards the owners of the kite she just robbed.
apparently, they'd given up trying to chase her. maybe they were amused by what she did.
so the only thing they did was smile back.

berubah hati

im sorry, portugal guy...
you were popular and hot talented, but TOTALLY outshined by villa...

that guy did a hat-trick, okayy? (and he's cuter.)
tak sia2 dia ganti raul yang dah..er..tua.

so you know who i'm rooting for now...

Go, Spain!

one love undivided...!

i'm in love with this. would be nice to share it with all of you ;)
after all, i don't have the mood to write because of...1)broken lappy T_T.. 2)all of the things i wanted to post sound a bit...harsh. 3) okayy, they're downright bitchy. if i don't have anything nice to say, it's better to say nothing at all.

so here goes, peeps. Here In My Home, by Malaysian Artistes for Unity.

[update]

erm..the mood has been lifted, i feel better now. thanks to you, and for that i dedicate the title of this post for you...and you alone.
i remembered a conversation we had which involved you, me, a fountain at night, and...strangely...a straw (hehe). it's not even that memorable, it's nothing significant, it might even be meaningless. but to have that moment with you, to turn an uneventful happening into something memorable, significant, and meaningful...well, that's priceless. and i love you for that.

all thanks to the straw.

;)

Whispered Secrets of the Four-Leaf Clover

The four-leaf clover is an uncommon variation of the ordinary, more abundant three-leaf clover that you can easily find in your front lawn. Why are four-leaf clovers associated with good luck? Some people say that each leaf on the clover has a special meaning; the first leaf represents Hope, the second leaf represents Faith, the third represents Love, and the last leaf represents Luck.

This little boy in the red T-shirt once asked me why is the sky so blue? Instead of answering “it is the oxygen atoms in the atmosphere which scatters the blue light from the sun,” which is the truth, I made up a story and told him that “one day, the blue stripe from the rainbow got stuck on the sharp branch of a tree, was torn open and his colour spilled all over the clouds.”

He loved that version.

The four-leaf clover and the sky have their own secrets, but they are easier to reveal compared to other secrets I wish I have the answers to.

Such as when I know you’re avoiding something but I don’t know why.
Or the fact that you need someone like a heart needs a beat.
Dan juga apabila kita tertanya, adakah hari esok milik kita…atau bukan milik sesiapa.

It got me thinking. Secrets are better left untouched, the truths are best kept veiled. For once they are revealed there will be no more magic. There will be no more wonder. There will be no more things left to ponder.
Therefore, out of respect, I will leave the secrets of life with all their glory.

And I will never again ask why.

pengumuman.

encik idz dah kawin.

...dan saye tak pegi wedding beliau. sekian terima kasih.
(peminat setia dia mesti kecewa. hehe jgn bgtaw ***n!)

tag yang diperam.

tamau post the rules. oyeahh.

Random Fact #1
i memorize lines from P Ramlee films.

Random Fact #2
i love CSI. i hate CSI. figure that out yourself.

Random Fact #3
my nephews' names were given by me.

Random Fact #4
i danced along to the ben stiller-jack black-robert downey jr's performance during american idol 2008. cannot resist.

Random Fact #5
during my school days, i wear baju kurung with sneakers. senang nak lari kalo warden kejar. @_@ takdelah. itu bukan sebab sebenar. sebab kalo warden kejar saye x lari. rilek je buat2 x bersalah lalu terlepas dari hukuman. so, i wear baju kurung with sneakers. to run from seratas guys masa outing. mungkin itu sebab sebenar.

Random Fact #6
i burnt my tongue yesterday (sup itu panas rupanya) and it still hurts.

Random Fact #7
lagu2 Muse takboleh dinyanyikan semula oleh orang lain. TAKBOLEH. random facts kan. sukehatilah.

Random Fact #8
tadi abg saye dtg umah n bercerita perkara2 kelakar. lalu saye teringat. when i was 5, i didn't know i have an older brother. haha kasihan beliau. ini kisah benar.

okay itu saje. sape nk kne tag sila msg saye.
heh. tahpape.
happy 15th birthday kepada adik kamu.
okay gudnyte.

Stalkers, stalking. [cont'd]

ada request mintak sambung citer tu.
aih, xyahlah.
sbb lepas lepak kat playground tu pastu bosan pastu g mkn eskrim mekdi pastu balik.

itu saje. hee.

see? reality, if not laced with a bit of fantasy, is as bland and dull as watching grass grow.
hah.
lebih2 pulak.
kalo cikgu kreatip writing ku bace msti da lame kne kutuk.

oke dah!
nantikan kisah sterusnya ya.

(p/s: kamu, cepatlah pulang)

A Thousand Splendid Suns...

‘aku nampak dia baca catch-22, by joseph heller. Dah lama aku cari. So dia citer la, catch-22 mmg best tp ada uniqueness..mcm, ade twisted sense of humor sket..’

“ohh..aku rasa style of writing dia mcm the kite runner la nih,”

‘the kite runner? Er..tak pernah baca lagi. Sape author?’

“khaled hosseini. bacalah weyh, bes gak. ”

Any book recommendation from this guy is worth looking into, even if the above conversation took place for about over a year ago. However, by some incomprehensible twist of fate, I never got round to reading it yet. Never mind why. Turns out that’s his only novel and he hasn’t written any new ones.
Until…
a (solitary? self-consoling? unintended?) trip to a bookstore led me to find a thousand splendid suns, his second novel which the paperback edition has just been published this year. And it was worth it.
I cannot stop marveling at the way the author puts everything into perspective, leaving readers with a sense of wonder, and never once could I predict what the characters would do. How amazingly simple his descriptions were and yet the world he painted through the words will come vividly alive in your mind.
If the kite runner is a story that revolves around Amir and Hassan, about boys and men…a thousand splendid suns revolves around Mariam and Laila, and about the predicaments of Afghan women since the last three decades. It will leave you with a renewed sense of respect and be in awe of how women struggle to maintain their dignity.
My suggestion? Read it. And you might find your own share of a thousand splendid suns.

Stalkers, stalking.

what if…we check out that address? said the driver on the way back. the friend in the next seat replied distractedly, sure, why not? it’s not like i have anywhere else to be. so they changed courses, shifted gears, and set out to a place further from home.
have you been there before? no. where did you get the address? online. are you scared? … no! what do you think i am? well, a poor lovesick somebody who had your girlfriend taken away from you. that’s what i think you are.
silence.
maybe i am.
tires crunched on the gravel, car horns honked, unfamiliar roads meandered left and right.
is this the one? uhh…it looks scary. no signboard, no signs of people, nothing. are you sure? yes. It says here sg 5.
here it is.
another uncomfortable silence.
here she is.
the friend risks a glance at the driver, shoved him aside and took the wheel.
what are you doing? you’re in no shape to drive. shut up, I’m okay. gimme that. no. clearly you’re not. what kind of friend are you? the supportive kind. *smirks* you call this supportive? i should have known. you are just like the others. the friend screeched to a halt and looked him in the eye. i was shocked when i first heard about you and her. but did i undermine you? no. because i know how much she means to you. but you were my friend first. you know what you’re doing is wrong, seriously wrong. maybe there’s a blessing in disguise from all this. if not, when will it end? tell me, when?
…it might end. but not now.
they drove home in silence. stopped at the old playground where they spent most of their childhood days. back when things were fun. back when things were simple, easy, and free.
the evening went by.
lost in thoughts while sitting together at the old swing set, they caught each other’s eyes. and smiled. at that moment, the friend knew there’s nothing she could do to change his mind.
but no matter what happens… they will always have this old playground to come back to.

Lefty guys who play guitar

Face it, we’re all into reality TV shows no matter how much we decorate them with insults. Cease the denial, baby, and repeat after me: “I’m addicted to ____.” (insert the reality show of your choice)

Ever since I was young I never cared much for shows with all the glitz and glam of celebrity life. The shows themselves are not at fault, only I don’t understand why people make such a big deal out of them. And so the sentiment snaked from those kinds of shows into reality shows. However, over the years I decided to give them a chance. And I haven’t regretted it ever since.

My personal favourite is the dance reality show participated by married couples for a charity cause. Really, there’s nothing bad I can say about that show (except the hostess’ dress during the finals ;P). Anyway, that is sOo last year and talking about current events, let’s move on to the battle between two Davids.

David Cook is cute in a scruffy, i-don’t-give-a-damn kind of way…when my friends ask me what type of guys do I go for, the answer is always this: lelaki yg slebet2 sket, rambut messy tutup tlinge…hahahuhu … About David Archuleta, he did an amazing job when he managed to sing a masterpiece beautifully. (John Lennon – Imagine). And he’s a sweet kid. But David Cook could carry out a Mariah Carey tune (Always Be My Baby) in low notes. Aha. And he’s a rockstar lefty guitar playing guy. And I don’t want another Daughtry case. And Cook says he just wants to enjoy the moment. And his talents come with cuteness, did I mention that already?

So who will I vote for? Do you even have to ask?

amplified. [you'll know when you're outside, looking in.]

it won't matter when things don't happen to you. but you'll know it when they do.
the grass is always greener, alright.
i loved what i used to have. now the angel of freedom has left me. no matter how much i insist by saying "take me with you.."
i wonder what changed that part of me? and why should that be?

~

when i'm young, everything seems to be bigger, greater, louder, and harsher than it really was.
everything was amplified tenfold.

in kindergarten, i heard my mother yelling and scolding someone who used to be really important to me, but now i know she just raised her voice slightly during that time.
in 1st grade, i thought the 5th graders were sooo mature and intimidating. and tall. when it was my turn to be a 5th grader, i found myself being nowhere near mature or intimidating. or tall.
on my first day of boarding school, the seniors became my idols coz they seem like they have everything in control. when i turned seventeen, everything went out of control.

i won't say i outgrew all that. it's still here. for instance, right now, a few things are keeping me from being happy like before.
a few things which i might laugh about when they're solved coz by then, those things will seem so small compared to now.
coz right now, it really feels like a huge cross to bear.

taggy waggy

Tagged by niss...

1. What disappoints you the most?
~~ un-supportive people.

2. Where will you go if someone sponsor you a tour ticket?
~~ owhh. le tour le Paris...voulez-vous voudrais venir avec moi? eh ntah btul ke slh tuh. alahh lupa.

3. What's your favorite thing to do?
~~ anything to do with the outdoors. long walks, hiking, camping...xplorace pun suke juge. hee.

4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
~~ as i said before, happiness is subjective...

5. If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
~~ my dreams are miiineeee...sy tamo bagitau.

6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
~~ yep. i have a living proof.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
~~ my ability to smile. truly.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
~~ ape igt senang ke nk jwb soklan ni? huhu. $1 milion tu. bli kete. bli umah. kawen. hah amik kao. nk kawenkan org lain pun mampu.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
~~ never did, never would, never wanted to. tapi kan, it's not important right now, ek? kalo suke sy diam2 je. hehe. kalo dia pun sbenarnye suke jugak then there's nothing i can do, ryte? btw, i don't LOVE someone when i first meet him, mcm lembap sket nk jato chenta kot. oyhh, pjg lak jwb soklan nih, baik. sy stop skrg.

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?

~~Niss is:
1) seorg yg ceria. suke gelak. weehehe~
2) strong. ooh babe, you don't even realize that, do you?
3) cool r minah nih. sesape nk bekenalan sy bleh jadi ejen.

11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
~~ camnilah. consider all the requirements fulfilled.

12. What type of person do you hate the most?
~~ people who are afraid to be honest.

13. What is your ambition?
~~ ini kne jwb cmne ni? okayy...career-wise, i would like to be an interpreter ye..tour guide pun bleh la..bwh sket..hm..sbenanye nk jd scriptwriter juga..dan professional dancer..dan byk lagi!

14. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
~~ does it cover fantasy world? willy wonka's chocolate factory :D

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
~~ love, trust, and faith...among the people i care the most.

16. If you could undo doing one mistake in the past, what would it be?
~~ staying and hoping for waaaay too long...

17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
~~ the ridiculously selfish part.

18. What music have you been listening to recently?
~~ 'chase this light' and 'always be' by jimmy eat world.

19. What is your least favourite animal?
~~ cicak. x perlu wujud pun xpe. eww.

20. What would you prefer to be - a man or a woman?
~~ i choose woman. why? haha. you have to be a woman to know.

Tagging: nobeat, kazet, anim, syefa, hairie.

lessons of the past...dreams of the future...and living in the present.

past.

...when was the last time i set foot in that place?
getting ready as usual, the three of us trooped together to a place that held many of my childhood memories. dad's running a bit late.
everything has changed, we thought. obligation settled, neighbours came and greeted us. asked us questions. have you finished studying? what are you doing now? "hah?? knape nk keje jaoh2??" that was auntie Mimi. hehe. after me, it was my sister's turn. haha padan muke kamu. jwblah soklan2 mreka.
the kenduri was nice.
stupidly, we were a tad underdressed (mase pegi pakai telekung, okayy...sy x prasannn)...irritatingly, the kids can't stop crying and the young boys were noisy throughout the whole event...mischievously, me n my sis took off right after the jamuan, leaving our parents there. hehe.
come to think of it, maybe some things never change.

future.

..."i don't have any more questions, so...okay! let's go pick your cubicle." *all three of them grinned*
"err..kejap, kejap...you mean i'm hired?" *wow, that was quick*
"yes! welcome to our department! let's go for a tour of this place."
"hehe. jom!"

~~~need i say more?
(thank you so much, to everyone involved...)

present.

...silence. empty. where did everybody go?
*okay, i'm going out.*

p/s: Happy Mother's Day, for all women out there who made things happen, who made us what we are today... This is for you.

oh. Happy Birthday to my beloved Haziq. you're only 4, but already you're a heartbreaker. i feel sorry for the girls your age. :D

the wait is over.

it's over.
but then...please wish me luck once again.
=D
all i know is, either way, it will be a win-win situation for me.

my predicament

trapped.

i want this wait to stop, i've taken action but it's still not enough.
once, it made me feel as if everything is already in place. now i know better.
that the path you plan and the path you take are two very different things.
two parallel lines, situated side by side, but will never meet.
i've done some, but clearly it's not enough.
'more' is required from me.
but i can't be in two places at once. so i have to think things through one more time.
a place to dwell, a skill to learn, a heart to leave behind.

angel of freedom, take me with you.

Guten Tag. Name Tag. ah, ape ntah.

ini sume salah encik hairie. kalo x puas hati sila cari beliau.

7 random facts about me:

1) i love road trips
2) i can't say no to kerja2 gila
3) i just read Detective Conan no. 60
4) i miss my brother
5) im wearing my blue Nanzan Uni t-shirt
6) i found my purple watch! ohh hepynyee
7) i want to dance on the streets again

7 things that scares me:

1) alone in the dark in an unfamiliar place
2) music stops in the middle of performing
3) giving a bad first impression, even though i believe in second chances
4) tertinggal bas. takot la kejap.
5) space shot.
6) apabila oche marah. dia sangat susah nak marah. seram woo.
7) cicak. arhhh!

7 random music at the moment:

1) guilllltyy...wooohhoo...emppptyyy...yeahhh... (lagu ape ntah tu)
2) i'll be (ed mccain)
4) step up (samantha jade)
5) marabahaya (pop shuvit)
6) somewhere over the rainbow (err..)
7) invincible (muse)

7 things i say the most:

1) bismillahirrahmanirrahim. (nk mkn nk tdo nk bwk kete nk jln2 etc)
2) amende?
3) okayy~ *rolls eyes*
4) damn, he's hot!
5) hoy, xnaakkk!!
6) jap.
7) ...*speechless*

7 things i treasure the most:

1) this necklace...
2) Nineteen Minutes
3) my purple watch (see above)
4) webby
5) résumé 2 column ittew..hahaha
6) 3rd april, petang.
7) the secret to happiness

7 “first time” things i ever did:

1) first kiss - hahaa u really think im gonna tell you sumthin so private? dah. diam sume.
2) caught by a teacher for breaking the rules - matric, kms. (ketuk ketampi sebelah surau time sume org tgh amik wudhu' nk smyg maghrib. tahniah. tapi x insaf2 juga. sorylah.)
3) almost caught by the authorities - form 1, mines. (hoy kecik2 dah nakal)
4) first (successful) drama for a big audience - matric, kms.
5) first national event - darjah 4. gamelan. hari guru peringkat kebangsaan.
6) first dance onstage - 2nd year, usm.
7) kidnapped someone - err...selalu sangat buat. can't remember when was the first time.

7 friends to do this:

...whoever has the free time. dipersilakan.

ilie dibuli secara tiba2

ilie, bangun! kakna kata kalo jadi nak g, dia sruh g umah dia skrg.

aaa...?? knape kena g umah dia dulu...xnakkkk...

sbb dia nak amik abg apil then trus bwk kete dia smpai sane.

hmmmmgrrenkrnendkfd..!! okeh tgu jap.

*kejutkan webby*
[bangi ---> damansara]

hoy da sampai. jom.

naik dulu lah.

halaa....

*naik. siap2. turun balik. tinggalkan webby*

[damansara ---> rawang]

eh..xnak masuk mkn dlu ke?

xnakkkkk....jom!!!

[rawang ---> genting]

*menggila sepanjang petang* (gambar2 nanti ye)

[genting ---> rawang ---> damansara]

eyh esok teman kakna g sg petani. kursus ptd kat intura.

err..tapi webby kat umah kakna? cmne?

balik damansara dlu, ilie bawak webby. kakna bwk persona. esok gerak from bangi.
tapi dexu naik ngan kakna sbb kakna ngantuk.

ilie sorang lah?

ye.

dgn kete yg radio dia xbrape nk betol tu?

ye.

dgn minyak tinggal skettt tu?

ye. bye.

hoy tgu jap! nk lalu ldp ke federal? (mereka terus berlalu pergi dan soalan itu dibiarkan tidak terjawab)

err...

*keseorangan...lalu merempit*

[damansara ---> bangi]

1230am.

...penat. ntah. saje nk ngadu kat cni.
entri besepah. grr.
oke nk tdo.
bye.

nak ikut? jom!

how could a simple afternoon trip turn into something so wonderful?
i was a bit sick, btw.
moreover, i only wanted to go to the office to ask for some freelance job. (well, duh..!! office means bo-ring~)
i got the job. plus some cookies and chocolate from the place. hehe.
owh and then i met nobeat, my only senior (apart from kazet) who understands me completely, and gives verrry blunt advices. oyeah, he doesn't get mad if i call him 'nobeat the h****t'... haha. but don't you ever try. nak kene sekeh?
i hope to get the subtitling post he's offering coz it's more interesting. who wouldn't want to work with disney productions? juniors, jangan jeles ya.
so what made it so wonderful? of course, the company. and the walk among the sea of people. and the sunset at jalan hang tuah. and the imaginary rainbow. and the drive home. and the... er... that something which stayed in my mind all nyte long.

and later that nyte, i met fiky. been missing u, babe. another reason to add to my happiness ^_^

so, despite the fact that every single thing that happened yesterday was plain...simple...ordinary..., it was hands down the most wonderful evening a girl could ask for.

oltown bersama oche.

bosan.
ya.
nasib baik ade oche.
:)

sibuk suruh apdet. sy malas, oke.

happy besday kpd kanak2 april: masen. niss. naddy. eman. shuey. suparman (hehe spesel utk kamu).

baik. dah kire apdet la ni kan?

sy nk abiskan air ni pastu balik.
bye.

apdet!

eh. tbe2 masen nk dtg. *grin*
lame lagi la kot duk cni. yeyeyey.
sy syg oltown~

ilie = seorang yang menyayangi kanak2 kecil.

babysitting 411.
kids involved: Soraya (5), & Sabrina (1).

#1

never let that cute little baby girl cry...it sounds so sad. pick her up. she just wants attention. dan nak manja2 dengan kamu.

#2

never succumb to all of Soraya's requests. if she wants to do finger-painting and tells you that "mama bagi. betullll." and gives you the cutest look with a wide grin, don't be persuaded.

#3

say goodbye to AXN, MTV, and Starworld. brace yourself for a day full of channel 611, Geng Bas Sekolah, Tom Tom Bak, Postman Pat, and Barbie the Island Princess. (i tried to con them into watching Animax, at least. tapi tak berkesan.)

#4

when Soraya puts a cap on her head and gives one to Sabrina, that means she wants to go to the playground. yang atas bukit tu. tengah2 panas. ya. hope you have strong arms coz you'll be carrying Sabrina all the time while her sister shrieked and screamed and played every single thing at the playground while you wonder dia ni tak penat ke??

#5

if you're tired and need a break, let them both lean against you while you read a bedtime story (doesn't matter if it's in the middle of the day) verrryyyy sloowwwlllyyy...until they're asleep. make sure the TV remote is near you so you can change the channel back to something decent.

goodluck, to all babysitters everywhere.

cheerio~

wish list. entah kenapa. already have everything i want, kot?

dah check. boleh kot. warghsplutrujisdhnsoefdheofn. hehe.
here goes...

1. Nikon Coolpix putih itu.
2. sepupu Peugeot 206, nama manjanya Naza Bestari. but i'll always love my WEBby.
3. er..henfon baru. tapi. sayang yg ni. reminds me of idan.
tp sbb nk masuk wishlist, so...SE Z750i.
4. Escada Sunset Heat. lagi. tamau tuka. except for Morgan de Toi.
anim kate "akak, this pfume smells like pelam!" hoy manede. pdulik hape.
sy penyokong setia Escada. kalo tak sunset heat, sentiment pun okay.
5. laptop ini....hm...takpe, tamau tuka lagi. ia sgt setia dgnku. watpe tuka. tp sy nk external. nk simpan gmbr n muvi n J-drama n game. btw, hoy sape yg in charge kumpulkan all the NAP 2008 events? manekah cd compilation itu? manekah? mentang2 da dpt gaji sume da x takot ngan saye lagi.
6. The Kite Runner. sangat.
7. ya! sbenanye sy mahu Sony PSP hahaha mcm budak2. ah xkire.
playstesen di umah hanye bes utk main Guitar Heroes.

sbenanye tatau dah nk ape lagi. ini anim lah suh wat wishlist. malas, tau x? tp terisi gak smpai no.7 hehehe.

sekian saje.

mempisang. haha. ini betul, tak tipu. nanti sy amik gambar.

esok 2nd intebiu.

dorg ckp utk procedure je.

tapi.

still neves.

tade mase mahu menganggur.

bukanlah nak sangat.

tapi.

...

yg penting sy nak balik bangi. sekarang.


-tdo-

-update!-

dah. whee~!

company itu comel. tepi laot. well, anywhere in penang is tepi laot pun. tapi yg ni bes. sbb dekat dgn queensbay n seafood place n ade jalan direct from my new-home-to-be.

turns out they will call me again to meet with the engineers.

byknye stages.

thanx to my driver! (btw, jali, too much info masa u said "tgu sat, aku nk pkai tuala"... er... i kinda don't want to know that~)

and thanx to the late-nyte caller.


okay. yg penting, now i can balik. yeay!

why..oh why, dear pandora...(still about Greek mythology!)

kotak yang berisi segala kejahatan...
(masen. 4/13/2008 1:09:28)
tetapi masih tertinggal harapan...
(ilie. 4/13/2008 1:09:39 )

i'm not good at telling stories, but well, here goes. this time i use my own words, with resources from Wiki.
familiarize yourselves with the story of a woman. the first woman, given unique gifts by each of the gods. she was actually created as a punishment for mankind, after Prometheus stole the
secret of fire, and led men to discover it.

the story of Pandora, also called 'Anesidora' (she who sends up gifts).
this wonderful woman, this Pandora who possesses all of the wonderful gifts, was known to all (notorious, even), for opening The Box. well, originally it's a pithos, but etymology got the best of this Greek word when it was translated into Latin's pyxis, meaning box. so listeners of this story have called it box ever since.

Pandora's act of curiosity results in the release of all of the evils of mankind. the evils of greed, vanity, slander, envy, pining, etc—flew out of the box into the world we now live in. the only thing left inside is hope, once she had closed the box again.
many have interpreted this story in their own ways. i, myself, have hated Pandora for her selfishly impulsive need to quench her curiosity. there, you see? i feel 'hatred' which must have originated from the box too. *sigh.*
however, that same impulsive action led her to close the box quickly, leaving only hope inside it. and to me, that's more than enough. for i have once given up hope on an important matter, and now i am proven wrong [by the person who provided the quote above].

from now on, never again will i lose hope on anything.

Only Hope was left within her unbreakable house,
she remained under the lip of the jar, and did not
fly away. Before [she could], Pandora replaced the
lid of the jar. This was the will of aegis-bearing
Zeus the Cloudgatherer.
(Hesiod, Works and Days. 96-9)

starlight...

lost my ability to conjure words of my own. but this is for the brightest stars i saw tonight:


Taurus, The Cretan Bull. Jupiter (which took the bull-form, thus representing Taurus) became enamored of Europa, princess of Phoenicia.

Majesty and love go ill together, nor can they long share one abode. Abandoning the dignity of his sceptre, the father and ruler of the gods, whose hand wields the flaming three-forked bolt, whose nod shakes the universe, adopted the guise of a bull; and mingling with the other bullocks, joined in their lowing and ambled in the tender grass, a fair sight to see. His hide was white as untrodden snow, snow not yet melted by the rainy South wind. The muscles stood out on his neck, and deep folds of skin hung along his flanks. His horns were small, it is true, but so beautifully made that you would swear they were the work of an artist, more polished and shining than any jewel. There was no menace in the set of his head or in his eyes; he looked completely placid. (Metamorphoses II 847-858).

The beauty and gentleness of the bull impressed princess Europa, and it was told that they went away together, to a place where he revealed his true self.

When along the pavement
Palpitating flames of life
People flicker round me
I forget my bereavement
The gap in the great constellation
The place where a star used to be.

-D.H. Lawrence-
'Submergence'

it's true. the brightest star in my life right now.

dia kata, "balas la balik, jangan biar je!" saya kata, "aku taknak jadi macam dia."

tajuk je dahlah.

-habis-


update. (sbb rmai yg tanye) : xpe. biar dia faham2 sndiri. itupun kalau dia faham. kalau tak, teruskan lah ketidakmatangan itu. do you think i care? do you think i was never in h** situation? (menyorokkan gender. bijak tak.)


hey! posting ini telah menjadi semakin emo! *ROtFL*

berjalan mengikut gerak hati...jam lupa pakai, handphone habis bateri...

...but i managed to return on time.

solitary walks like the one i just had is used to clear your cluttered little mind from the nagging headache you've had since morning. however, a lonely girl can never walk in peace rupanya. muka-brutal doesn't work. sudahlah, who cares.

with no specific routes, my feet took whatever steps they want, in any direction they like. the only decision i'm allowed to make is when there's a brick-laid pathwalk and grass, i always chose the latter. walking on something that's created not by men, but by The greater power above, never fails to remind me of who i am. which brings me to this: (Luqman:18) and that has always been what i held on to ever since i was young. i can explain it here but if i don't, you will look it up yourself, right? which is better, don't you think? boleh baca semua terus. it is about walking on this earth and being humble. only that much i'd like to share.

and. i am not a good person. NOT. jgn igt sy letak firman Allah sket, hadis sket, itu menandakan sy baik. ek eleh. not enough. i am not a good person. don't judge people hastily. itu sekadar nak berkongsi.

on a lighter note, Ayaq Masak, my wonderful super-duper cutie junior paparazzi, helped me download the OST for a movie i love, and despite encountering problems (yang x logik dan realistik langsung, melibatkan 1,869 kali dc kat yM dan 50 kali email), she managed to send them all to me. Thank You my laling. i will give you the privilege to conquer my katil the next time you crash here.

that's all. *still havin a headache*

langit itu sangat biru, kan?

the first thing you see when you wake up is essential to start the day ahead. (o0kay. i sound like a breakfast-cereal advertisement).

the view from my room is b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l~

don't look straight ahead, look up. (up sket la, not straight up. itu siling dan kipas). and you will see a line of different types of trees in various shades of green, reflecting the sunlight while the leaves are being fluttered about by the soft breeze. all this and more. the sky starts with a light blue at the bottom but the shade gets deeper and deeper the higher you gaze. pearly white cotton-candy clouds (my favourite, ye) splashed across this vast spread of blue creates a mesmerizing effect. but what's the use of this wonderful scenery without life? that's where the birds play an important role. this morning i saw a pair of them playing tag among the trees. main kejar-kejar. walaupun dia terbang. camne tu. i think i'll leave you to your imagination.

just a little something to make everyone smile. have a lovely day!

kehilangan kata2...

how come certain events never cease to render me speechless?

hye everyone. the trip to ipoh was fun, fun, FUN! it was wonderful sharing it with all of you. our beloved sis already left and i hope she's doing fine. i promised eman i'll write about 'lori jeybon' which we chased on the highway just to take its picture. (brape kali potong smartcar yg jht itu, kan?) i think my junior paparazzi has it on her page? didn't u upload it, bebeh? how could u not!! :D

saturday nyte was sweet... *speechless*

erfan's birthday left me with a minor injury on my finger (but the creampuffs turned out great~) and clothes which smell like BBQ smoke, AND a perfect excuse to drive my brother's Chevy. whee~

another speechless moment, thursday afternoon-evening-nyte..
i remember every gesture, every song, every word... but i couldn't put it the way he did.
sorry, this interpreter is at loss for words.

...aaannnd she doesn't know how to end this rambling post. maybe with a question.

what's up with dene??

hehe.. jgn mrh ncik~

malam terakhir bergelar pelajar ijazah pertama usm

-start-

i spent the evening attending an international poetry recital event. don't ask.
alia was with me. and still with me now.
which is just the person i'd like to have accompanying me on this final night.
because she was one of the first persons who accompanied me during my first day as a student here, 3 years ago.
it's wonderful, isn't it? my life here has gone a full circle, finally.

no more dances performances sports events plays theaters seminars workshops meetings presentations late-night-mamaks nasi-kandars feringghi-dvds beaches campings hikings midnight-movies food-huntings car-chasings bus-hoppings assignments!! lab-recordings singing-oldies dinners gossips road-trips-to-kedah's-waterfall freaky-stories all-the-memories architecture-eye-candies...

*sigh*

i don't want to be sappy or nostalgic.
i just want to make a simple statement.

"this is my last night as a student here in usm"

-end-

itu dan ini...semuanya tidak penting

... ,
... ... . (...)
... ... ...!
...?


...bye.

p/s: don't be fooled by the 10 ______. none were supportive. 1 of them is like a guilt-trip. others are nonsense.

you're the one...and in you i confide

excuse the jiwangness. right now, i'm entitled to it, okay.

(sape x larat bace boleh pegi jauh2 skarang~!)

you...

~surprised me!
~made me love watching sunsets
~brought back my true smiles which have been gone for quite a while
~shot me straight in the heart
~proved the fact that good guys are still around
~made all the love songs beautiful again

so...thank you

^_^

okey, ini memang lari dari tema

-i'm so scared-

maltesers + 100plus + New Straits Times = breakfast

when i don't get enough sleep, i become disoriented. i knew that. but i still do it. who cares.

so this morning's 8am class leaves me in la-la land even though i'm sitting right up front. i am sooo not in the mood. thank you, lecturer, for asking me every possible question in the universe. you didn't think i'd get all of them right, did you?

and to the person who blocked alia's car: APEKAH??!!
miraculously, we got the car out. without touching that damned wira. wow. (kitorang tak guna mentos, ye)
unfortunately, no one saw our amazing feat. huh.

and a sudden craving for maltesers and 100plus, while reading today's NST, might actually do the trick. (or possibly make me even crazier)

so. today started out crazily. may it doesn't end that way.

skrip untuk satu scene dalam sequel 'Sepet'

[guy and girl, in the car. at a junction.]

[red light.]

Guy : So... [nervous, but tries to maintain a cool composure] when people go out on a first date, first impressions are important, kan..

Girl : Really? [pretend to look confused] Hm... But I don't believe in first impressions.

Guy : Owh. So then, what do you believe in?

Girl : Second chances...

[guy and girl look at each other. smile.]

[light turns green.]

teka-teki Jepun

baru je nak post pasal teka-teki (NAP tutors 2008, korang memang gile) tapi my junior paparazzi dah buat dulu.
so. bcoz im ur senior and ur boss, i'll jz copy-paste them here. sy pdulik hape. kan kite jwb sesame hari tuh. muahaha.

1. パンの中に、どんなパンが食べられないですか?
＝ｆｒｙーパン。 (sape xphm bleh hubungi talian maxis sy)

2. 三 *keping?buah?biji?* パンがある、チョコパン、アンパン、strawberry パン(haha yg ni aku pakai letak je)。そして、ada orang lain jerit "oiiii" dekat パン bertiga tu, yang mana satu akan turn around and answer?
＝チョコパン。耳があるから。

*update: kejap. mcm slh je yg ni? bkn roti coklat la...jwpn dia roti bakar, okey. haih.

oke dah. ade satu lagi psl kek tuh tp mcm x igt pulak.

have fun cuba memahami teka-teki di atas. hehe :D

kisah hati hanya ada satu..

i wanted to write about BUDAYA by AIESEC but i didn't get further past the 1st draft.

i wanted to write about my good news but it's too good only to exist here in a blog. plus it's not a sure thing yet, anyway.
*update: dene. bkn news tu la. ini yg psl singapore.

i wanted to continue writing short stories like we did in creative writing class but i can't seem to make them interesting.

i wanted to write about serious topics like i did for the earlier entries in this blog but instead i wrote about the happenings in my life which might not even interest you.

i wanted to stay in pendang and become kak ilya's sister. because that place always reminds me how small and superficial we are. how selfish we are when it comes to petty problems such as (a) putus cinta. (b) putus cinta. and (c) putus cinta.

tapi itu tak mungkin.

okay, i have to go to class.

*tapi kisah itu memang menginsafkan. ia membuatkan masalah2 lain kelihatan seperti semut2 kecil yang layak dipijak2. and i admit, that was what helped me get through. [Al-Fatihah]..*

blog saya kan utk merepek. jadi saya merepek.

this particular (junior) paparazzi really likes to include photos in which i look like a retard.

oyh budak kecik! i'll get you next time..!!

kau mahu gadis metropolitan?

i should:

go to class|brush up on german|make sure no lecturers are mad at me|return the costumes to dewan budaya|collect and pay for the t-shirts|submit the attendance sheet. (padan muka kpd kanak2 yg pissed me off. gaji anda akan dipotong. sekian.)|prepare for 'foreign labour'|find out what's the topic for recording this week|

owh..and balik bangi. yeay.

sidetracking a bit~~still, i feel like i do and don't belong...not too good and not too bad...please don't act too shocked, okay? you don't even know the meaning of 'mapley'. (that's another story. funny gak. tp mls nk citer.)

sudahlah.

saya rindu adik...

idan.

my younger brother whom i hate so much (sbb dia sengal. sgt2.) but now the one i'm missing the most.

~hepy belated bday 2 u, btw~

the week before he left, i was the one who became so weepy and sad (ohoyy, sy mmg seorg kakak yg x kool~) and at the airport i actually hugged and kissed him. twice. you don't do that to little brothers. as far as i'm concerned, little brothers are only useful as punching bags or for teasing or bullying. but i stopped doing those kinds of things to him ever since he became taller than me. huhu.

i once asked idan where can i find a guy who is honest, sincere, and nice?

and being the oh-so-sengal-little-brother, he answered:
"xyah cari jaoh. kat skolah rendah kite je. amanah, budi, cekal, ikhlas, jujur n mulia lagi tu."
"cehh! apelaa!"
*maka ilie pun sekeh kpale idan sbb jwpn dia sgt xlogik*

but then...

turns out he was right.

:)

p.s: i love you

er...

A: yang penting
A: after dis
A: no more
B: hahaa!
B: thats what u said the last time!
B: hahahahahaha!
A: yup
B: tipu tipu
A: sbnrnye
A: sy ngorat die ni
A: lepas kamu menceritekn pasal mr h
A: sebab
A: sy tunggu kamu sbnrnye
A: hahahahahahaha
A: skang ni
A: sy terlambat
A: tensen
A: xdpt
A: dan
A: kamu pun
A: xdpt
B: sy slh ke?
A: bukan salah kamu
A: salah sy
A: terlalu optimis pasal bende itu
A: dan pesimis ttg hubungan
B: sbb kamu mane ade ngorat sy
B: jeng jeng jeng
A: sy nk ngorat
A: tapi
A: sy nk ngorat kamu
A: tapi
A: sy rase
A: sy tak setaraf
A: hahahahahahaha
A: dramatik x
B: hahahaahaha
A: jeng jeng
B: dramatik sguh
B: apekahhh tidak setaraf
A: the truth is
A: sy suke kamu
A: tp
A: sy xtahu mcmane
A: kamu mesti perasan kn
A: yang sy
A: xtahu nk panggil kamu ape
B: ya
A: awak?sue?kamu?
B: sgt klakar juge mase mule2
B: hehe
A: hahaha
A: tahu takpe
A: bes x
A: mlm confession

...

life is unfair for these two friends.

...

X: tapi akan aku tetap berikan senyuman aku kepada kamu
X: kanak2 nk tdo..
X: nite2..
Y: nyte~
X: and thankyou..
X: for distracting me..
Y: my pleasure..
...

tp yg dua org ni lg x munasabah... hahaha~!

hence, the title..
p.s.=post script (i.e, after you finished writing).. so the confession usually comes after everything's done...
you know?
when it's too late~

*saye bosan, so...sy minta maaf kpd pihak2 yg terlibat dlm kisah di atas. kalo x puas hati bleh dtg cari sy*

*dan sy juge pelik kenape my recent posts mule menjiwang mcm ape tah? haih. x kool la cmni*

i'd rather stay..

hey you, the one still in our old loneliness sanctuary.

no, it's not your fault.

i wanted someone to talk to, someone who is honest enough and someone who doesn't reserve judgment (judgement? ah. pdulik la american or british english pun.)

some people couldn't recognize a good thing even when it rolls right under their nose...
...and some people overlooked the dangers lurking underneath a cute little heart disguised as "love".

if i have to go through another heartbreak, i swear i'll use up all the fake smiles in the world until there's nothing left worth smiling for.

i was caught, i was reeled in, now i'm hooked.

but words are only words.

so if this is what the real world looks like, i'd rather stay in the loneliness with you.

sayang kinabalu

the only time when i feel like i can really be myself.


the fever is getting worse, why am i still here?


stop waiting.


-zZzZzZz-


p.s: aku bukannya seorang yang tidak tahu menghargai chenta~

straightforward, no lies..

okey..it hasn't stopped raining since yesterday nyte..
happens right after i said 'awan penang x reti ujan'...mulut masin ke ape.

life has been hectic, but i like it that way. the whole day yesterday we (nanzan students+student buddies) went hiking at taman negara penang and had activities at teluk duyung and monkey beach..pretty, but kerachut beach is prettier i think. kat situ ade penyu. hehe.

it was fun, really. some of the memorable stuff which happened since yesterday include:-

1. amin. an arts student who missed the bus because he had a test but really2 wanted to go so he went alone. wow. we were at teluk duyung when he suddenly appeared from the trail. Amin, kamu mmg junior yg berdedikasi (dan comel). tapi lain kali jgn buat ktorg risau cmtu.

2. kak zeti. your surprise birthday party yesterday. i kept it a secret since morning, telling people about it but asking them to keep it quiet. that's why me n kak ilya came to your room the nyte before with the 'unorthodox-birthday-ice-cream-with-strawberries'. but knowing you, of course you realize what's happening. aiseh. it's okay. when you go to Tokyo Gaidai for your masters in interpreting next month, please don't forget us. we love you.

3. husen. you wanted to tease me by repeating what i said to you about the dance practice the nyte before, 'penat macam jeli,' but no one understood the meaning so they ended up laughing at you instead. dahla pegi buat demo skali. hahaa. padan muka kamu.

4. *a girl*. trying to pair her up with each and every one of her crush(es) in every single organization. obvious much? it gets old, okay. bosanlah. last year was the stupidest when you wanted to pair her up with that guy yg sgt tinggi for her dance partner. it looks seriously funny, tau. who are you, her matchmaker? whatever. semoga drp calon yg ramaaaiii tu sangkut la satu. (ini satu pun tade? huhu. i am so evil. sory.)

5. *sorang lagi*..she wasn't mad at you because you forgot today's event, la...why are you so paranoid? i went straight to her and asked (saya mmg terlalu jujur dan lurus bendul) and she was confused. "la..mane ade aku mrh dia? tensen sbb panas sgt hari ni, tu je." hah. so there. tade ape pun, kan?

6. anim & jira. aha, you guys are the riddle-masters! terer gile jwb teka-teki walopun x penah dengar before tu.

7. watched Step Up 2. the acting was bad, the script was rigid, but the dance moves are cool! even tho it's a bit ghetto and cheesy but whatever. yep, and si adik kerol tbe2 join ktorg. i thought you weren't serious. shows that usm students mestimestiMESTI ade bersepah2 kat Queensbay tu. kat kelas pun jumpe kat situ pun jumpe. apelah.

8. saya demam. yeay. this morning i am one of the chairpersons for this week's discussion, even though suara dah serak2 and mcm nyawa2 ikan je. it was good, but my interpreting was a bit off. and recording today, it's easy but full of terms which i cannot think of the equivalence in 0.5 seconds, so i'm not really proud of what i did today.

hm..this entry is kinda messy but i don't care.
straightforward, no lies.....
don't get bored with me.