numb.

a huge part is still trapped in the past, and sometimes when the wave hits the only thing i can do is ask "why...?"

the answers will never be good so i have resorted to stop asking.

and stop feeling altogether.

many parts have died inside of me. i've changed, did you notice.


you don't have to ask why.

aneh kah kalau saya sudah mengidap writer's block selama lebih 6 bulan?

bye.

the river still flows.

expectations are not always met.
but at least we can show that we try.
and come as close as we possibly can instead of plainly giving up after claiming 'oh, i've tried!'

what a filthy hypocrite. (read: i mean yours truly)

because i give up all the time too.
but only in things concerning me.

because i, have no problem trying.

but trying alone is so not fun.

so instead of going with the flow, why not just float around here for a while? see if anyone would love to pull me from the deep end? or at least try. harder. but it's not their fault if they have tried and i'm still a stubborn little buoy. i appreciate every single minute of that.

do i really care where the current goes.
the river will forever flow.

it has a 'blue grin'

you're not doing justice to my webby if you call it just hijau or biru.

it was a turquoise kancil, dudes! blue-green is acceptable lah.
and i miss it so damn much.

total eclipse of the heart

it's weird, i never needed to run away from anything before. but listening to certain songs made me feel things i don't want to. so i plugged my ears (easy, as we ARE working with headsets all the time, anyway) and looped the first loud, blaring song i can click. couldn't be fast enough.

music drowns out everything for me and that's easy.

...once upon a time i was falling in love, now i'm only falling apart...

as if.

i finished editing all the files until March 31st 2010, except for the pending ones.
and i still feel indifferent.


i have been working too hard.







bite me.

i would love to have a 'pigment' of that dream!

"I have friends who swear they dream in color..
It's just a pigment of their imagination."







^_^ now this is cute.

tumbling hearts

"Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?



Jerry: Never. "

The Mexican 

ahmad hussaini, masen, sayangku,

let's hit it with our best shot.

a heart, immune to patches.

like having your heart twisted and churned,
crashed and trampled,
shattered and burned...

yet you can't feel anything anymore.

instead of...

...the genuine smiles i had before,

now they're just fake, plastic grins.



life is fun and i know that.
it doesn't suck.
that only happens when i don't get what i want.
when things didn't happen the way i want it to be.

who am i to want?

if i keep adjusting my paper sailboat in the river, yes it might go where i want it to go.
but even if i let it sail on its own,
the current still goes.
the river still flows.

and the water will soak up the paper, it will still sink either way.



but life is fun.



so smile your plastic smile, grin your fake grin.

and go make your sailboat out of something other than paper.

just like footsteps

i make imprints on people's hearts.


imprints, like the way a picture leaves a mark on the plastic cover of your wallet..


like footsteps, though i try to never trample on those hearts..merely walked and touched gently, never hoping to be remembered but almost always will.


maybe that's important in this journey.



even if i go, the imprints will forever stay.




like footsteps.
 
 

smile. it's free.

what am i still being punished for.



but this morning i found a super-micro-tiny glimpse of happiness.



lembut je suara makcik tu.

sadly, that's the best kind of treatment anyone ever gave me lately.



"adik ada kad smile? ambiklah, free je."



free smiles. how ironic.



for the time being, my only smile you see will be plastic.



just like the card.







what am i still being punished for...

hold on, little girl

a broken heart can't be that bad.

mendung lagi. come on, weather!

kalau macam, lari, hilang... takdela kacau orang lagi.

dan takde buat orang rasa takbest or helpless.

walaupun cuma nak rasa worthy.


maybe that's a tall order.


"bang, nak oder."

'ah takleh, kau tak layak.'


ada jugakla rasa camtu.

words are only words.

evry time i heard the words "belauan vorteks," i teringat dia.

sama macam "telefonis"

"figura bonda"

"kala malam bulan mengambang"


and quite a few others.




vorteks. what a weird way to remember someone.

starlight

the heart could not handle a sudden surge of love.

and so it trudged out into the night, found a grassy hill overlooking the dimly lit town below and spilled the love out towards the skies.

the stars captured them, caught like shiny fishes in the sea of darkness, and they shone brighter, brighter still.

leaving the heart deprived...but happy.

and went on to search for something more.

stealing thunders

people are going one way, and you're going another
not a very good thing to do, to steal people's thunder.

XD


i'm all about being happy for everyone else. but gimme a break sumtime, kay?



i love my birthday with all the cliches.

esok pegi tepi laut, mari.

macam mana pula...

...prof yang aku tak pernah jumpa kat uni,

tapi hanya nampak plat nama dia je kat pintu bilik,

pintu bilik yang ketuk-ketuk-takde-orang-bukak,

sebab dia sangat sibuk ke sana ke sini bukan seperti aku yang hanya sibuk menghuha sana huha sini,

tiba2 aku jumpa dia dalam program yang perlu diterjemah.

hai, prof.

long time no see at all.






apa khabar biawak di tasik usm?

speaking of which, i dreamt of many biawaks last night.

ada apa2 interpretasi mimpi?

rupanya...

...aku yang menyibuk selama ni.




how many times pilihan terpaksa dibuat? untuk dikejar, dikendong, atau mungkin berciciran.



i didn't know. i didn't know i didn't know i didn't know.



i messed up. big time.


"i love, but i also hurt."



i feel very defeated. semua tuduhan itu, yes i'm guilty as charged.
defeated. sangat.
hilang, dah takde rasa apa2, no more anger hatred jealousy frustration disappointment. i leave only love. i never doubted that, i know it is deep, thank you. appreciate it very much.

i accept everything.


if people ask me not to feel, i will not feel.


this is a clean slate.




saya duduk diam-diam kat sini tak kacau orang, okay.

/end.

"it's about time." yes, both meanings intended.

seeing the bigger picture sometimes makes us forget about the finer details.

but focusing on details alone pun tak bagus juga.

it messes up my head.

and so it led me to thinking, how long is forever? (mmg kaitan dia mcm jauh, but hey. i have my reasons.)

people always have an issue with the sense of time.
maybe it's because time is the only thing we can't control.
yes, we can't control death or birth or coincidences or luck or whatever else too, but at least people can do something to trigger those events.

but not time.

no matter what you try to do, nobody can make it stop, go faster, slower or turn it back.

time seems to stop when you fall in love, time seems to fly by when you're having fun, and it seems to drag on when you're suffering.
cuti sem selalu rasa sekejap, kelas yang bosan rasa macam tak habis2.
it feels like forever when you're in a lousy interview, feels like only yesterday that i met you.

still i can't find the true meaning of forever.

maybe it just means "now..."

...stretched to a timeframe we could never comprehend.

18 minit selepas kisahdewadewi

ain't it funny how young lovers start as friends?

okay, tak. itu saje je untuk starting yang kononnya retorik dan cuba menarik perhatian....siapa?

do i still have any more readers?
komen daripada yang paling diingini pun tiada selalunya.

but hey.
ini kisah hidup yang dah lama tak diceritakan dengan nada colloquial, sebab mungkin selama ni blog ini kaku. biarlah. ini cerita.

pagi yang bangun awal memang best. sebab by 9 or 10, you've accomplished so much and it's still early.
mahu pulang dan menggembirakan orang, pulang dan bring breakfast or brunch or something untuk orang sebab sendiri pun takmakan lagi tapi bila orang enggan, takpelah.

but i have a problem with letting go lah.

patutnye i just say okay, no biggie. move on. wheee.

but noooo. i just have to be like this kan. this is who i am kan.
if people can accept others why can't they accept me.
even when i know i am far better than them.

wait.

who am i to say im better than anyone?

okay takpe.

and so, i can do that.
not imposing rules or whatever (have i ever imposed anything before? huh.)
and letting things be.

and letting orang be happy on their own.

and sometimes let them make me happy for a change.

if people can datang surprise me at home, jom pergi sini, jom buat ini, saya akan gembira.
doesn't take much to make me happy. but still.
susah je.

yeah, it's always me me me.

takpelah. happy saturday, peeps.


i go bring all this energy elsewhere. (or ada tak word 'elsewho'? ekeke)

kisahdewadewi

mungkin kerana itu aku mencari seniman...
kerana mereka sama ada telah merasai semuanya, atau langsung tiada keinginan untuk mencuba.

through what they believe and how they think they must have seen it all and thus they won't hurt me.


but life is not the way i trust it to be.

maka cintafairytale itu, maybe it's all in my head.

should i, could i, would i?

life is easy if you comprehend it from a narrow perspective.
satu hala je. one answer for everything. this is good, this is bad, you draw the line.

easier too, from a wider perspective.
nothing bothers you that much because you've seen them all.


easier still if someone understands you.

but he couldn't if you wouldn't let them.



should i let you understand me completely?

The Deep End

im not good at estimating distance. or for this matter, depth.
that explains why i usually found myself at the deep end of the swimming pool without realizing it.
only that happened when i was younger, as opposed to now, when im better at evaluating a situation and weighing the pros and cons of my decisions, in and out of water.
however, i am human. no matter how i try to choose the right thing, i still make mistakes once in a while. im uncertain of my decisions, most of the time.
but i do things my way. i don't really care what will happen as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else but me.
i don't care if it's too fast, too soon. so instead of estimating the depths in this particular relationship, im just going with my instincts.

and i don't care whether i should just wade in the shallow part for now ... or dive straight into the deep end.


[...kau dan aku menenun puisi demi puisi
mencari intisari suatu nilai, suatu erti...]

i dont know u that well, baby, but thanks

strangers or semi-strangers slalu ajar saya tentang life.

luvit!

*will update this post later. skrg nk g hq nk audition.
eh i mean training. egege~*

world's greatest musical prodigy

pic from here
and here's the full story

to me, it's a perfect portrayal of serenity and being in her comfort zone.

she's one cool kid.

ah, innocence.
come and take me back.

one split second

in one split second, a person's face could portray its true feelings.

it is shown in one split second before a laugh or a cry, a smile, a frown, or however they try to react. looks can be deceiving but the split second won't. that is why the same person you see could look very different then compared to now.

i have known and experienced this.

when people say they fall in love with someone because of how they look, i don't think they mean their face but their expression. maybe they have somehow seen the person's naked, bare and true soul through that split second portrayal.

but what good will that be, do we have to know it all.some things are better left unsaid, untouched, unknown.let them hide behind their masks. let their true feelings lay hidden. ignore what you see, they might not want anyone to know.

because if looks can be deceiving, maybe hearts can too.

i've been feeling invisible XOXOs throughout the day..

i am perfectly unperfect.

there was once when i thought showing off your love is wrong.

there was once when i thought not showing off your love is wrong.

but i see things being done, everyday, and people usually do what they preach not to.
i've seen a lot yet i haven't seen everything.
i experienced a lot yet i learned nothing.
selfishly i will say, yeah but everyone else learned something.
i learned stuff too but im too proud to admit.
i want to be seen as cool yet sometimes i received the opposite.
i wanted to be seen as in love yet sometimes it was ridiculed.
there's a lot that i want yet i didn't think of what you want.
there's a lot that i've done but maybe i was required to do something more.
there's a lot that i've received and i appreciate all of it...but maybe i didn't show it.
for fear of rejection or ignorance.
as usual.

i hurt people around me especially the ones i love the most.
and everything i do will only make it worse.
but i'll do it anyway ^_^

i am imperfect, i always will be.

epal jatuh

tgk gugel harini!

XD

happy birthday sir isaac newton!

not goodbye

i hope this January 1st can repeat itself.

and did i say i believe in second chances?


ah. i did.



thanks for being with me, 2009.
i have much more in store for your successor.
and much more still that i don't yet know... XD

lotsa love,

-ilie-

broken angel

i will never stop crying.

a kaleidoscope of you

...those interesting patterns you see
are mere reflections of what used to be...

"who can dictate your life, but you?"

...and when those colours, patterns and shapes
are only faded beads, pebbles and slates...

"kau ada masalah psikologi, hoy"

...it could split into two
and leave nothing but gloom...

"kitorang taknak kau diverge jauh sangat, tu je"

...or you could look the other way
and show new shapes that are fake...

"inilah ilie yang aku kenal"

...you claw through your past, trying to take it all back
when the patterns are isolated and the background, solid black...

original sin..

A dream will fly
The moment that you open up your eyes
A dream is just a riddle
Ghosts from every corner of your life

Up in the balcony
All the Romeos are bleeding for your hand
Blowing theater kisses
Reciting lines they don't understand

permintaan hati

^_^

cuma mahukan lebih dari segalanya.

dan juga menjadi lebih dari segalanya.

tidak perlu gula (gula) untuk hidup, berharap satu sudah mencukupi.

kerana kadangkala masih berasa susah hati.



~~tidak mahu sesiapa berada setaraf denganku, mahu padang rumput berpohon satu itu kekal seperti dulu~~

hey, it's not so bad

bila dah lebih sebulan, mungkin dua, sangat hectic di tempat kerja dengan permintaan stayback sehingga pukul 11 malam dan ganti orang cuti sakit sangat lama dan launch new channel at the regional level pastu list baru masuk seminggu sebelum tarikh on-air, i started to break down.

tapi everything else in life made me think,

hey, it's not so bad.

lepastu terjadilah pula masalah kesihatan yang agak serius dan mulalah rasa nak nangis, tapi bila dah pergi early checkup and stuff, it made me think,

hey, it's not so bad.

ditambah pula dengan peristiwa2 peribadi, tapi bila saya dapati satu cara untuk mengatasinya dan kembali ke kehidupan lama, it made me think,

hey, it's not so bad.

tapi bila awal2 pagi orang dah usha kau masa nak pegi keje, tensen jugak lah kan.

saya ni, jahat tu tidaklah sangat, tapi baik pun tak seberapa.

cuma bila kita rasa aneh macamni, nak menegur tu lebih elok cakap berlapik, ye tak?

so here goes.

Sedang keranjang lagi tak penuh,

Kononkan sumpit nak diisi;

Turun dijenjang lagi mengeluh,

Kononkan bukit kan didaki.

there. now my life is back to normal.
might be better, even.
...hey, it's not so bad. ^_^

semalam bergembira hingga ke dinihari, harini mungkin kita pergi lagi~

not this time.

sometimes hearts fail because of kept secrets and vague answers.

only sometimes.

silent love song

Running, she kept running up the meadowed hill. Bare feet pattering across the soft dewy grass, wind blowing her filmy nightgown, long, black hair flying behind her. Starry night starts to give way to the first signs of dawn but still the hilltop seems so far away.

Nearing the top of the hill provides the view of...nothing.

He's not there.

She hides her tears from the stars, the hill, the grass. Her pace slowed. Crickets stopped chirping one by one. Stars beginning to fade even more. The sea below came into view.

Stopped. Fell to her knees as waves crashed into shore far below. Swallowing the sand and disappearing back again. First drop of tears fall to the lonely grass, mixing with dew.

And then he's there.

A whisper in her ear, a gust of gentle wind on her cheeks, a soft breeze in her hair.
And her heart soared again, flying among the first rays of sunrise spilling from the sky.


he's a silent love song...

make or break

"Just because she likes the same bizzare old crap you do, doesn't mean she's your soul mate."

-500 Days.

how true.

maybe what you believe is fate might just be a coincidence to others.
so everything life throws at you, just accept it.
the good stuff, the bad, the love, the life, the successes, the failures, the deaths, and the this-is-not-how-i-planned-it-to-be.
never question why things are not the way you think it should be. because for all we know, the reality we're facing is really and truly how things are meant to be.

chance meeting.. well not exactly.

ahh shudve had pictures as buktis.
not evrydei u get to meet someone like that, kan.
but what i get is kinda okay. (get outta here, loser! XD)


*lovin life*

"Never ever look in the rear view mirror darling.

It makes no difference what’s behind you."

Renée Zellweger in "My One and Only"

jealousy is a one-sided freak

there are many, many things i should have known and many more that i should not.

i should have known that by opting to leave science and pursue language, my world makes a 180 degree turn.
i should have known where i got this thin, white scar on my left hand which seems to have been there forever.
i should have known that friends come and go, therefore accepting the fact is easier than dwelling on why they have to leave.


but i should not have known about...the people i do not really know, and probably don't even know about me, but somehow are very significant in the past life of a friend.



hah. susah payah meluahkannya dengan sangat vague.
sekian, terima kasih kerana anda berjaya tidak faham ayat di atas. ;-*

cheerful facade, raya version.

siblings, their spouses, kids, uncle, aunt, cousins.

i've been havin such a great time to even write anything ^_^
sorry, bloggy.

selamat hari raya~

turning wheels, ticking clock

*masen*

*sambung blaja*

*baya kete*

*mase depan*

*kawan2*

*adik-beradik*

*clueless?*

*penang*

*having fun*

*masen*

*temporary separation*

*masen*

*career*

*tuntutan hidup*

*masen*

*masen*

*usm*

*parents*

*$$$*

*family*

*masen*

*high-expectations*

*what-ifs...*

been thinking.

ilie is tradin sneakers for heels!

i am sooo waiting for this...

the ones who are already a year or so into punch-cards-and-paychecks, don't think you're safe. because this is really about making it big and standing on your own. i, for one, admit that i've been through these postgrad traumatic syndromes and even now sometimes it just keeps resurfacing. i'm still a kid and you throw me into the big world? [refer to 2 posts down] but anyway, i'm still keeping my options open and part of the fun is in not knowing and unable to predict what's going to happen ^_^ so i'll just enjoy the movie and enjoy this crazy life with alexis bledel forever being my idol. (loved her since she's rory gilmore alongside chad michael murray, jared padalecki AND milo ventimiglia *three hotties alert!*, and also as pretty-artistic Lena in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.) hu-hah~

oh, and the guy in this movie is zach...sumthin. he's in Friday Night Lights kat tv, kalo x silap.

okay? bile tah nk smpai mesia. but then anyone's welcome to watch this with me! take a break from fantasy-robots-superheroes-yadda3~, let's head on to some real-life for a change.

...which reminds me..aku tak siap lagi report outstesen hari tu.

a sense of accomplishment and loss.

dan oh, kehilangan itu begitu terasa.

terus terang cakap, ye?

kategori: gadis melayu bertudung, lingkungan umur univ. student or fresh grad.

stereotaip: kampung. takreti converse in english. senyaaap, suara lembut takleh dengar konon sopan and taknak participate in activities involving lelaki, takpandai bagi idea and takut nak speak in public.

reality: aku bukan macam tu.

harsh reality: kewujudan segelintir gadis yang memang begitu dalam event tertentu akan menyebabkan aku juga dianggap begitu. (proven by experience and by berterus terang dan bertanya pendapat semua orang yang terlibat.)

solution: i proved them wrong. i worked hard to prove them wrong until if anyone would like to pin down even one of the sifat above on me, they will think, eh, she's the opposite of all that.

harsher reality: sometimes, why would people care? they will still stereotype you even after you tried so hard.

what happened next: segelintir gadis-yang-memang-begitu itu akhirnya followed my lead, and akhirnya diorang pun jadi boleh-tahan-lah.

conclusion: sell yourself well. show that you are good. jangan bagi peluang untuk orang menilai dan me-label anda sesuka hati.



okbye.

glory-glory whattt??

...dan kemenangan itu mendorong kami berpakaian biru hari ini.








and this is an entirely different story----->









TF3: Bumblebee Strikes Back

webby --> ziggy

dan pertemuan semula yang menarik, walaupun bola futsal tersebut aku tadapat sentuh pun.




selebihnya?

~next time, please stop me from leaving~



::updated::


"As the waters freeze up with the summer's end
Ain't it funny how young lovers start as friends."

-Elton John

L (bukan death note)

Life is a maze and Love is a riddLe...Lenka, kamu sangat betuL.

nice song, cute video, deep and meaningfuL. iLie sudah sangat suka.

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
Can’t do it alone I’ve tried
and I don’t know why

Slow it down make it stop
or else my heart is going to pop
‘coz it’s too much, yeah it’s a lot
to be something I’m not

I’m a fool out of love
‘Coz I just can’t get enough

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
I can’t do it alone I’ve tried
And I don’t know why

I am just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
It’s bringing me down I know
I’ve got to let it go
And just enjoy The Show

The sun is hot in the sky
just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It’s a joke nobody knows
They’ve got a ticket to that show …yeah

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
Can’t do it alone I’ve tried
and I don’t know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out
it’s bringing me down I know
I’ve got to let it go
And just enjoy the show...

"terima kasih, kawan-kawan!" kata upin/ipin ketika memenangi Shout! Awards.

ingat tak, dulu kan aku seorang yang sentiasa hepy plus bahagia?
ia disebabkan berada di sekeliling manusia2 hebat di usm. (dan institusi2 pengajian sebelumnya.)
kini, makin kerap pula emonya.
lalu setelah lama difikirkan, bukan ingin menuduh, tetapi mungkin jadi begini kerana dikelilingi jenis2 manusia yang berbeza daripada dahulu.
setelah itu, dikategorikanlah manusia2 yang kurang menyenangkan itu sebagai golongan opportunist, yang mempunyai konotasi negatif bagi saya, mereka yang lebih teruk daripada golongan manusia yang suka take advantage of other people.
penyelesaian dicapai dengan tak mempedulikan golongan opportunist, tak memberi peluang untuk mereka mengambil kesempatan ke atas saya (sebab mereka akan segera ambil peluang untuk menyusahkan saya asalkan ada peluang!), dan senyum aje bila mereka menggila. kihkih.
hasilnya?
laa, saye masih seorang yang gembira rupanya. rilek r brader.
naseb baik kekawan saya sumenye cemerlang, tade sorang pun bersifat seperti di atas.

diulang, kekawan saye je.


kau tu ape senyum2, toksah nak perasan kau kawan aku.



ngehehe. ;>

kau selalu ada..

Semua tak terang di mataku, walau warnanya menyala
Ingin merasa namun aku takkan cuba
Biar kata memisah kita
Biarkan saja
Kerana terbiasa

Mengejar mimpi, yang pasti akan aku
Sentiasa merasa kehilanganmu
Ku akan tunggu saat bertemu
Tiada henti
Walau dimana kita berdiri
Di dalam dunia ini
Biar sampai akhirnya nanti

"kau dan aku" ~ OST Merah Puteh

cheerful façade #4

...apabila berlari2 melintas jalan dari seremban parade ke komuter di malam hari pada umur 23 tahun tidak sama dengan keadaan ketika berumur 18 tahun...

cheerful façade #3

dia cuti...

dia pulak hilang...

hm... put 2 and 2 together?



jangan menipu lah. lagi2 menipu aku.

cheerful façade #2: uninvited

picture this: being no longer involved in their world, no longer invited, not wanted.

a birthday night is bad enough with having to beg people to hang out with you, buying your own birthday baskin (ok ini memang the altimet luzer), but on the same night to be told that you are uninvited to an interesting event. and that is my first of many un-invitation to functions and events and crazy hangouts throughout the year, and maybe more as time goes by.

by now, from february til june, it's not my fault to think that maybe it's all my fault.



aku ke yang tak sesuai selama ni...?

cheerful façade

i'm out, there will be no more me

but i'm not going without

a swirL of ColouRs

^_^

/end.

there was a time when i didn't understand a single word there for i am not yet accepted into its world. as time goes by, i became the only one who understood completely what is written there. how i pride myself in knowing i have the privilege none others seems to have. while cherishing what is obviously mine, my imperfections took the best of me and tainted the place. oh, could i be more wrong? do i have to keep living behind a cheerful façade in order to continue comprehending the words? maybe that is what's expected of me. maybe not. because now i see, i am no longer there, and i'm slipping away. i couldn't understand this, nor that. wait, did i miss something here? is it not about me anymore? now, once again, i don't understand anything there for maybe it doesn't concern me anymore. so it hurts to know that i have lost the privilege...or it was given to someone else.

dah, jgn sibuk nak cuba faham.

*tutup komen*

jom.

ok perhatian. sy keseorangan (single?) buat seketika.
whee~

tapi saya nak g sini.

jom.

Acoustics Echo.

Civics Hall PJ.

lime blas ringgit kot.

May 29th, kalo tak silap juge.

jumpa di sana~

wokeyyy fine. dah tulis, delete balik lah. takut orang terasa hati. aku terasa takpe. wahah. esok aku cuti woy. tapi kau peduli ape. aku pun kisah apa kau nak peduli camane pun. jom g swimming!

graffiti itu indah

hmmm... rasa macam nak menconteng dinding dengan pelbagai warna.






(sarapi mesti suka aku update buat kali ke-4 selepas berkata kononnye aku nak bekerja lebih rajin.)

"don't know, don't care..."

tiihihi...

aku harap aku tade dengar dah ayat2 mcm kat atas tu...sebab...alahai, kawan2...aku pun macam korang jugak...korang nampak aku camni, korang ingat aku camni...sbenanye aku bukan camni kot? aku camtu ke, camane ke, korang tatau kan...aku tunjuk yang camni je lah...lagipun, aku pun ada masa2 aku don't care, ada masa2 akutakpeduli...(eh kenapa tak space? lalala.) tapi bila kau putus cinta, aku nangis sama...bila kau jumpa kekasih baru aku hepy juge...bila kau tak siap esaimen aku lari (sebab aku yang ajak kau bergembira kat tepi laot)...bila kau inteviu skali trus dapat keje aku turut melompat gembira. (man, congrats. wahahah. cna yang membedah, jgn mrh aku.) tapi...bila kadang2 kau hepy...aku kat mana? kadang2 kau benci aku...ah, kenapa pula? kalau aku cuba hepykan semua orang tapi aku tak hepy juga, camane ye? oh takpe. pandai2lah aku menghepykan diri sniri. kdg2 encikmasen buleh tolong. kdg2 merepek dgn kekawan pun buleh tolong. jadi gile kat ofis pun buleh, tade masalah. ah, kawan2, janganlah benci aku. tak indah la hidup aku nanti.
ada orang pandang aku, dia nampak aku ada segala-galanya. ada orang tengok aku dia kata belagak. ada orang langsung tak pandang aku pung. ada orang tengok aku, pastu kata, "dik, muvi ni untuk 18 tahun ke atas je tau."
tapi takpe aku tak kesah. haha. aku kan don't care juge.
hidup ni sebenarnya sangat senang kalau kau sendiri tak susah2 menyusahkan ia.
sebab tu aku slalunye taknak tulis entri2 konon luahan hati gini pastu korang sume tatau nak komen apa ataupun baru sampai baris ke-5 dah type url lain kat atas tuh. tapi skarang aku mau tulis jadi, sukehatiaku la kan. ihik.
pastunye, sile jangan baca entri ni dengan nada emo. sebab tak pun. ^_^ aku hanya bosan.

sebab harini baru hari rabu.


dan aku dah tak sabar nak pegi chilling kat Chiling! trekking, pacats, air terjun, air terjun~~~


sekian entri membuang masa.

aku jumpa funfair

tadi sewaktu nak balik ke ofis pada pukul 3 selepas dikidnap untuk lunch jauh2,
aku memandang ke luar tingkap kereta sambil kawan aku bercakap sorang2.
oyh.

...ferris wheel...
...rollercoaster...

wahaha! ada funfair!

"wey jom gi sini!"

"belum bukak lagi ah. kau gila. malam kang la kita gi sini."

tapi dalam kepala aku cuma ada fuNfAir, FunFaiR...hahaha.



ah, malaysia kekurangan taman tema.

jom bina universal studios sebijik!

bedah-ness.

byk weh nk citer. tapi malas sebab kwn2 sy mane ade dlm dunia siber nih. huahua.
tadelah, sbenanye sy bz dan rajin bekeje setelah sekian lama me-rebel.
jadi skarang ni saya cuma nak satu benda je.

iaitu sharpener.

(pensel ni tumpul hoy. susah nak menulis. agege.)

hai..

palindromes...

palindrome tu apa?
camni.
kalau terbalikkan nama saya...

ili


...akan jadi nama saya juga!



^_^v


tapi, jangan la terbalikkan camni.

!l!




ok, jom kembali buat keje.

and the winner is...

memang, kamu boleh menang.
kalau buat tajuk bahas pun konfem saya yang kalah teruk.
the act can be justified by being male/female/human, but it comes with a high price.
cukuplah dengan ini: (quote-niss) "saya tak nak cari pasal supaya pasal tak cari saya."
tetap rasa ia seperti satu perbandingan dan tidak adil bagi orang yang kekurangan dari segi luaran.
hati yang selfish tu begitu senang terusik, sebab tu dia lama bersendiri satu ketika dulu.
menanglah. dan kebebasan itu milik kamu.

~~~

best lak quote kat atas tu, so ni ada satu lagi: (quote-sapek) "orang keje offshore cepat mati."

stuju tak? hahah!

out

late night adrenaline rush. in 3 different ways.




works all the time.

tadi saya nampak macik in her 40s tengah lunch.
in a nurse's outfit.
(bukan nurse's outfit yang se-xay tuh. diamlah lelaki.)
pakai tudun, pakaian putih yang unflattering, dan...

...red-hot weave-patterned side wedges on her feet!



pacik2 sebaya dia sume hanya menjadi boroy dan kurang rambut.
tak kacak.

padan muka.



rock on, makcik!

lumrah...atau tidak?

gurislah hati orang yang paling kau sayang, dan depan aku jangan sebut ayat camni: "Biasalah tu, lelaki."


jantina kau tak pernah justify apa yang kau buat.





...sebenarnya aku nak cerita pasal kereta yang kehabisan bateri, apasal boleh lompat terus ke topik ni?

siapa free tolong amik aku petang nanti!

ada satu cerita..

kau senyum, kau ketawa..
dikelilingi rakan dan keluarga..
namun hakikatnya hati kau...kosong.
hidup ni tipu.
apa yang aku kejar sebenarnya.

retrospect

carpe diem quam minimum credula postero. (ah, translate sniri.)

it has happened more than once.

everytime i glanced into the side-mirror, i found a better and more magnificent view than the one in front.

sunsets, clouds, streetlights, etc.

that is somewhat interesting, and i contemplated looking back more rather than watching the road in front. oyh, eksiden kang?

and...is that how life is going to be? always looking better in retrospect? the past is better than now? masa benda tu jadi, kita tak sedar tapi bila dah lepas, bila ingat balik, alaaa besnye masa tu...

so i think i should learn to realize when something good happens, and rather than just looking back to remember those wonderful memories, i will also seize the moment and enjoy it while it happens. and enjoy it again while remembering. and enjoy and enjoy and enjoy. hehe. hits the trifecta.

carpe diem, baby.

i'm on it!

total eclipse of the heart

saya ada banyak perkara nak dituliskan.
tentang double standard, prejudiced thinking, stereotype, and bad waiters.
tentang impromptu vacation, cute nephews, kawan bernama man (bukan nama sebenar) yang dikenali dengan cara amat memalukan dan ferrari misteri di presint 14.
tentang kerja, tentang assumption orang terhadap kita dan tentang life as a whole.

banyak.

tapi tiba2 rasa semuanya pointless.

dan hati ini terus berasa cemburu tak berasas.

cuba menghalang sesuatu yang tak pasti, sesuatu yang mungkin langsung tak penting, sesuatu yang di luar kawalan.


and the killers keeps on singing mr brightside...

kool macam saya.

kool gile gugel buat camni sempena besday samuel morse.

picture from www.google.com.my

so, ini ucapan untuk gadis yang berkongsi tarikh indah ini:

.... .- .--. .--. -.-- / -... .. .-. - .... -.. .- -.-- / -. .. ... ... .. . !!

(translate here.)

and happy birthday juga kpd ahmad hussaini. i love you. sorry my surprise tak se-best yang lain.

painting with the colours of the wind

people escape from reality through mirrors, wardrobes and secret doorways.
mine came in the form of words.

thus, i am wide awake but dreaming.

close your eyes for just a short while and wake in a sprawling meadow littered with dots of purple and white flowers.

the sun could set, or the sun could rise but the only sure thing is there will always be rainbows at night.

run around, never look back.

sing with the voices you hear from the mountains

catch the falling stars before they land and break.

twirl candy-canes through fluffs of purple and pink clouds

and throw yourself upon the bouncy green grass.

let your laughter ring loud and clear,

sending twinkles of glitter through the horizon.

paint a picture with all the colours you see

before you close your eyes.

close your eyes, just once more...


it will all be gone, but not completely.
carry the wondrous place in your heart


and remember, it's only one blink away.

denial.

i have to learn to accept.

"...satu labah-labah, cuba panjat ilie...~"

this week has been about itsy bitsy songs and happenings. let's share.
(ceh. opening sentence yang paling busan pernah kucipta.)


heal the world and mamma mia first took my voice away and left me wheezing for a day or two. i got my voice back and crooned on please forgive me, to test. i threw a little bit of with or without you and where the story ends, just in case. when i'm sure my voice has recovered, i slammed on gotta be somebody and four to the floor which was once my favourite. oh, i re-watched Sepi and mungkin stayed in my dreams. who knew things are just getting better? a day at the office seems better with people singing hello. i went to work with killing me softly and finally found some of the songs from the wonderful movie, so i am now looping both the english and malay version, i go and pergi.


i'll end this with the lyrics so that you'll know why i love em so much.

I go

Pete Teo (lyrics), Aizat

So long, fare thee well

The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell

So turn down this bed of stone

Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong

The long December rain is falling now

Running down on streets to nowhere

Music is my life you’re my sweetest nightingale

But I cant hear it here no more

And I go

I go

Hush now, don’t shake or break

Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave

No matter what they do or say

Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face

Pergi

Sayu, terpisah

Hikayat indah kini hanya tinggal sejarah

Berhembus angin rindu

Begitu nyamannya terhidu wangian kasihmu

Hujan lebat mencurah kini

Bagaikan tiada henti

Kaulah laguku, kau irama terindah

Tak lagi kudengari

Kau pergi

Pergi

Sepi tanpa kata

Terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau kulupa

Apa pun kata mereka

Biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia

isn't this just so beautiful?

btw, di sini ada bella luna. (pinjam gamba bulan ye kazet.)

yang apabila dilihat, biasanya saya akan rasa berteman. cuma kali ini rasanya sepi.

hanya kali ini.

mengom~pa~re~~

i have to be vague, no names will be mentioned.
okay, so, this triggered something.
and that something made me found someone.
and that someone is so good, i just have to compare myself to her.
which led me and my friend above to sing "mengom~pa~re~~" in the rhythm of "ohre pyaarr~~"

here's the comparison result:
(her-me)

she has a cool job.
(1-0)
her english is better than me.
(2-0)
she's rich.
(3-0)
she's cute.
(4-0)
she's hot.
(9-0) -- lompat terus 9 markah bcoz she's hot, not cute. (seems like i have to clarify this.)
she's involved with the coolest events in town.
(10-0)
i have the best boyfriend in the world.
(10-20)

oh...turns out i win after all.

^_^

tak perlulah mengom~pa~re~~ lagi!

~~~oh re pyaaarr~~~

dear you,

sometimes words just fail me.

~~~
So long, fare thee well

The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell

So turn down this bed of stone

Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong
~~~
Trying not to lose my head

but I have never been this scared before

Tell you what I'll do instead,

lay my body down on the floor

To forget what I've done

silhouette til the good lord come
~~~
'Cause I wonder where you are

And I wonder what you do

Are you somewhere feeling lonely,

or is someone loving you?

Tell me how to win your heart

For I haven't got a clue
~~~
See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side

I wait for you
Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait without you

With or without you
~~~

yours truly,

-me-

thank god it's friday on a saturday.

yeeee hahaha!

macam biasa, aku mengelat lagi.

and yeah, sorry for the tajuk entry yang sangatnye poyo.
takdapat fikir tajuk best2 la sekarang. minda berkeliaran.

so...geronimo!! * ilie dives into the cool blue sea *

i'm hooked!

1. Just One Boy Aizat Movie Mix
2. Angel Atilia Movie Mix
3. I Go Aizat Movie Mix
4. Pergi Aizat 'I Go' Malay Version
5. Angel Atilia Malay Mix
6. Itulah Dirimu Aizat 'Just One Boy ' Malay Version
7. Kasih Tak Kembali Atilia Movie Mix
8. Just One Boy Aizat Full Band Mix
9. I Go Pete Teo Original Version


OST dah keluar belum?
for real talents macam ni, barulah worth it ;)

and kalau sesiapa nak pegi tengok talentime lagi sila ajak saya. walaupun saya dah tengok. tak kiralah berapa ratus kali pun, i want to contribute. adalah satu kesalahan besar kalau pegi tengok filem2 yasmin ahmad, khabir bhatia and...well..pierre andre tanpa saya. (kalau cerita p ramlee dia tayangkan semula kat pawagam pun hahaha saya yang first beratur nak tengok)

and to aizat, you have one new fan.
well, pete teo, actually. he's the songwriter for most of the songs above...and for 'here in my home' too, kan?

so the most original and memorable scene for me is...kids in diapers blowing bubbles!

(ckp byk2 nanti jadi spoiler, marah pula anda semua nanti)

sssepet~~!!!

siapa penah dengar Chicken King?
saya hanya tahu kewujudan restoran makanan segera ini sebab masa zaman sekolah kat Taiping dulu ia ada di pekan Taiping (yang indah permai dan cantik sehingga menjadi latar cerita Sepi).
kemudian, 2nd time saya dengar masa dia jadi tempat dating Orked dan Jason dalam Sepet.
lepas tu saya tak dengar lagi pasal restoran tersebut.
sehingga semalam.
jalan2 keliling bangi, lalu kat seksyen 7.
eh.
itu macam restoran...?

^_^!!!


entah kenape, saya jadi sangat gembira.

kalau hotdog bukan anjingpanas...

saya sedang buat penyari kataan.
dalam program ini ada disebut tentang 'underdog'.
saya pun gugel lah untuk cari istilah yang sesuai dalam bahasa melayu, sebab ruang dan masa untuk terjemahan ini sangat terhad jadi tak bolehlah nak terjemah 'orang yang ditindas' atau 'pihak yang dianggap lemah' atau apa-apa lagi yang merujuk kepada gelaran underdog itu, yang paling saya ingat ialah masa world cup 2006 ramai sokong italy sebab dia team underdog menentang france yang sediakala hebat. (dan sebab masa tu zidane buat head-butt action kat materazzi hahaha! i can't stop talking bout that for weeks! klakar siot.)

saya pun gugel2...
pastu jumpelah, satu tempat ni dia sebut pasal underdog...pastu dia kata, nasib baik [nama akhbar] tak terjemah underdog jadi 'anjing bawah' macam selalu kita tengok kat sari kata tu...

aih.

ada sedikit perasaan marah di sini. tapi takpe. saya baca lagi sebab rasanya, kalau dia cakap camtu, tentulah dia tahu istilah yang sesuai untuk ungkapkan underdog dalam bahasa melayu, kan? tentulah dia lebih terer daripada pembuat sari kata, kan?

tapi...

saya baca punya baca, setiap kali dia mention underdog, dia tulis cam biasa, italic je. macam, "...pihak yang mengatakan dirinya underdog itu..."

maka, apakah pengajaran kisah ini?

kalau nak kutuk sari kata itu tak betul, ini tak betul, sila bagi cadangan jawapan yang betul. sebab kalau kamu pun tatau terjemahan istilah yang betul, guna jalan mudah iaitu italic je, mana-mana pembuat sari kata pun boleh buat camtu tapi kenapa kitorang tak buat?
sebab kalau semua istilah english tu kita sengetkan, maka sengetlah seluruh subtitle yang anda baca kat tv tu. kami ikut etika.

kamu tidak.

sekian.

apakah ini?

belon.

dah, itu saje.

random: masennn saya sangat gembira apabila bersama kamu.

hello, is it me you're looking for?

mula-mula, baca ini.

kenapa? sebab aku suka blog dia hahaha dan aku rindu dan ia memaparkan kazet dan ia comel dan ia telah lama tak diapdet dan ia.....

ia best.

okeylah, cerita sebenarnya, baca ini.

lepas tu, mari sama-sama mengasihani saya yang sudah ketiadaan peluang begitu lagi.
tiada lagi dinner tiada lagi dressing up.
tiada lagi retro ke tak retro ke masquerade ke merah hitam ke futuristik ke glitter-glitter ke.
tiada lagi alasan untuk bermekap-an taraf red carpet.
tiada lagi semua itu melainkan saya, syarafie, jali, eli, ilya, dan beberapa kerat lagi rerakan saya di lembah klang ini berkumpul untuk buat satu dinner dan meraikan....meraikan graduates yang mula bekerja dalam keadaan kegawatan ekonomi.
kasihan.
pathetic.


ataupun...

eh, senior boleh datang, kan?
berapa hari bulan?
korang buat kat hotel mana?
dapat diskaun ke, kena bayar lebih?
tiket flight/bas buleh claim tak?
saya sanggup ni.

wahh, dunia kembali ceria! (untuk kita aje~!)

my songs for this week:

Hello - David Cook (from Lionel Richie)

I Told You So - Carrie Underwood (from Randy Travis)

red river valley

kalaupun nak risau, perempuan cantik ada di mana2, bukan hanya di sana.


apa boleh buat.



~~~

'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying
Hello...
Is it me you're looking for?

geronimo!

jelas menggambarkan perasaanku pada ketika ini.

isu yang mencetus kesesakan lalu lintas hari sabtu

walaupun aku taklah bersetuju ataupun tidak bersetuju,

tapi kau tak patut kecoh sampai begitu.


patutnya kau perlu takut apabila orang mengajar bahasa melayu...dalam bahasa inggeris.
hahaha~~

dan terus terang, aku rasa aku dan beberapa orang kawanku mampu buat begitu.


wahai dunia, sila berjaga-jaga.

masen goes green

Menurut niss, masen akan berubah menjadi hijau apabila membaca kenyataan ini.

Mungkin juga ungu.

Teringin jugak nak tengok lelaki itu berubah warna.

i am not you.

ihik.

betullah kan?

we are from 2 very different worlds connected by a thin line.
different~~!
i don't even know her that well but she has what i want, what i thought i would have.
kenapa ya?
ini bukan masalah hidup yang tak adil, ini cuma kerana hidup yang berbeza.

different.
it's wonderful.

and i will accept, even be proud of myself, that i am not you.


~~~


i ditched jason mraz last nyte to be with another guy.
i like the other guy better ^_^

Mr A-Z

march 4th.

wednesday.

idan's birthday (happy bday bro, kau dah tua hoy)

and jason is in town. (mraz, i mean.)




why, oh why, on a wednesday?





~~~
i'm still searching for Creative Writing Short Courses or Workshops around the Klang Valley for a colleague, so if anyone has any contacts or info about anything regarding to it, feel free to contact me.

let's start over, shall we?

hye, i'm ilie.

i created this blog in 2006 after much persuasion from a certain lecturer i cannot run away from since my 1st year. how cruel he is. it was maintained up until my final year and changed courses from english for interpretation, general english and creative writing. i wrote only meaningful topics back then for all our class discussions which can get pretty lengthy. i used to be more of a writer, not a talker. i tend to get more articulate throughout the years spent studying in melaka, taiping and penang. and how, one might wonder, by voicing my opinions on screen, it made me speak up as well in public. from a wallflower and quiet listener, i turned to a bidan-terjun event chairperson and an impromptu speaker. so if anyone used their blog as a shield from speaking up in the real world, i used mine as the opposite. so i am proud of what my blog used to be and i intend for it to stay that way.

happy March, everyone.

~~~

i'm searching for Creative Writing Short Courses or Workshops around the Klang Valley for a colleague, so if anyone has any contacts or info about anything regarding to it, feel free to contact me.

situasi pelik tempoh hari

batu belah batu bertangkup.

moral of the story: kissing a brass lion
will NOT turn him into a prince.
damn.

lord of the apache

no age limits!

pastikan kau muat nak duduk situ.

serius macam pelancong poyo.

*yg tak termasuk dlm gmbr sila jgn mrh*

okay aku tau tengok gambar je memang bosan tapi sudahlah. ini blog aku. sape suruh kau baca.

small shoutout: kazet, selamat pulang!!!

ain't this a beautiful sight?

I woke up early to baby blue eyes from afar

And when the sun comes through lights you like the angel you are...

p/s: absolutely NO comments which will turn this into something funny or sarcastic or whatever yang lari dari tema kejiwangan. for once, try to be happy for me. and supportive.

ahh.

okay, my favourite blog made an amazing entry lagi. hahah. this is really my escape to the fantasy world, for Part 1 and Part 2 of the Evil Cyclops crashing a Princess Party.

say what?

while i was waiting for someone to take me to that great place,

i suddenly realized i could go there on my own.

p/s: kau tak pecaye aku pandai main lagu creed - one last breath?

***

i took a walk through someone else's memory lane, and i don't like what i see.

masen. i love you.

10 things about you

i was tagged by niss.

WHOEVER WHO GETS TAGGED HAS TO WRITE 10 THINGS ABOUT THE PERSON WHO TAGGED HIM/HER.

here's 10 things about her:

1. the first time i met her, i liked her immediately. she has that effect on people.
2. apabila ketawa, beliau akan ketawa bersungguh-sungguh. sungguh. worth it lah utk buat lawak camane bodo pun semata2 nk bagi dia ketawa. contagious, beb. i like.
3. has her ownnn sense of fashion. tidak stereotype, tidak menggelabah. hoyeahh.
4. pegi mane2 je akan disalah anggap sebagai artis. orang ramai berebut2 nak amik gambar dgn beliau semasa di penang satu ketika dulu. aku tak tipu.
5. she is deep. profound. tidak superficial. jika anda judge dia sebelum cuba mengenalinya, nescaya anda akan rugi.
6. erm, kalo nampak kedai waffle, dia akan jadi tak terkawal.
7. an accomplished foodie. yang bestnye, dia bleh cerita psl food and leave you drooling for more. wuu. tapi dia tak suka sushi. ah. menci kao.
8. suka meses2 mlm2 pastu terus tetido sambil tesenyum sambil menari2 di awangan. (okay, i might have exaggerated a bit.)
9. dia mahu rambutnya lebih panjang daripada sekarang. ye kan babe? kan, kan?
10. determined. dia rajin and no matter how susah and banyak halangan cabaran rintangan something is, she can still make it work.
11. saya sayang dia.

eh. dah lebih 10.

12. dia tentu sayang saya juga.

okay. sape yg saya mahu tag?
tiada siapa. sbb aku tau korang malas. duk ah diam2 ctu.

[updated]
kepada si pemalas, dengan meng-link tag ini bermakna jawapan anda semua sama dengan saya.
MANA BOLEH.
sekian.

***

i ask for nothing more, nothing.

yes, i could die! yes, i could die of love.

[una furtiva lagrima]

[l'elisir d'amore]

none too important.

dalam banyak-banyaaaaaak perkara penting dalam dunia ni,

kenapa perkara keciiiiiiiiiiiik tu jugak yang mengganggu fikiran aku?



haha.
oh tidak.
jangan fikir lagi, ia akan menyebabkan anda menjadi tidak cool.


tapi...


Aaahh...!!!

Okay tidak mahu fikir lagi. Bye.





sometimes we all need an occasional ego booster...
and you know what will happen to a girl's ego when something cuter, prettier and better is dangled in front of her eyes?
it will crumble. shatter. DISAPPEAR.

principles..

i still have a problem of delving deeper into opinions and facts and opt to stay on the surface of things.

so here goes.

people are boycotting certain products for a good cause. some people think it might not make any difference, some think it makes all the difference in the world. it is up to you. i did, halfway. because try as you might, can you really live without any products or services that originated from the Semitics? (sbenanye tatau cmne nk gune word tu tp blasah aje coz it is more sopan.) so there. respect people's principles, either pro or anti, and don't take things to certain extremities.

an e-mail from a colleague this morning stating that she doesn't want our event this friday to go under the title V-Day got me thinking. 14th february came and went every year with the same warnings and scary history to scare us from celebrating it. and what good did that do? yes, i don't deny that it has an origin opposed to some of our beliefs but when you do celebrate, are you celebrating the history, the St., what happened a long time ago or do you just want an excuse to lavish your loved ones with cheesy corny goofy gifts? it's fun when everyone does the same thing, kan. so you're not alone buying heart-shaped pillows with long arms with the words "hug me" on it. mengaku ajelah. dressing up and going out for dinner... hmm maybe that's overrated? or only the girls yang perasan nak pegi. whatever. and the promos that come with it, aiyoo crazy la you if you don't take advantage of them. heh. but if you don't want to acknowledge the day to that extent, then happy luvly 14th february to you. for those yang tak kisah, happy V-Day. for me? happy anniversary.

i have other principles to touch on concerning concerts and gigs and how people judge others by their external appearance and how that very thing made some girls such as yours truly uninvited to black-tie events and.....*ehem*

to end in a not-very-serious mood, Z (names have been changed to protect privacy) gave this comment after hearing about a celebrity guy hitting his other half:

"tu lah, kesian raihana. terus tak dapat datang malaysia."

'...err...raihana tu siapa?'

"raihana lah. tu yang nyanyi lagu disturbia tu. kena reschedule konsert dia."

hee. sebutlah betul2 nama orang tu. tak pasal2 bunyinye macam dah masuk islam.

okay, sekian.

when magic still reigns...^_^

"Ed il mio bacio scioglierà il silenzio che ti fa mia!"

("And my kiss will dissolve the silence that makes you mine!")

[Turandot, Giacomo Puccini]

thank you..
i no longer listen to the sounds of silence and the magic is not, in fact, lost.

...meet me tomorrow?

when magic is lost

there was a magic i never knew existed.



cars, lights, people. i knew they're out there, i can hear the sounds.

zooming and honking, racing through the starry night. fluoroscent and colourful, brightening even the darkest hour. laughter, screams and shouts rang through the air.

if only i could see.


you came and knocked on my door, offering me the most wonderful descriptions of what the town below might be. so powerful were your stories until a window magically appeared at the place i most wanted it to.

now i can hear and finally i can see.

but what i saw scared me, it's foreign, new, hostile. this is everything i ever imagined and yet this is not. i scared you away, leaving only the gaping window behind.

now i can see.

the cars, the lights, the people. i know they're out there, i can see them clearly.

but the sounds of silence greets me.

without you here, i can no longer hear.



the magic went away with you.



so there was a magic i never knew existed...

im all tangled up in black again

when my eyes hit the ground

that means im afraid to succeed

but its a high to be down

praying for this disease

i get dragged by my hands

i don't want this to end..